Interviews With A Tactician
by Scourge of Infinis
Summary: In which Robin decides to conduct interviews with existing and potential Shepherds to ensure their loyalty and commitment to the cause (and some other details). What could possibly go wrong?
1. Frederick

_(What's the proper etiquette for this stuff, anyways? Well, start at the top, I guess.) Oh, hey, hi! Glad you came. Welcome! This idea came to me when playing the game, or, more specifically, when recruiting different Shepherds. I mean, you as the player know that they're good guys, but Chrom talking to some of them and then being all "you look alright, welcome to the Shepherds!" no questions asked was a bit funny. You'd think the guy would take some precautions, or something. So that's where this came from. Enjoy. _

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><p>Desperate times call for desperate measures. The times weren't so desperate yet, but they were getting there. Bandit raids were increasing and the Plegian king was clearly planning something. Hell, he was sending his bandits to raid Ylisse just for shits and giggles. In such troubling times, the state would usually put its army on high alert. However, Ylisse's pacifist Exalt demobilized the country's army save for a small group calling itself the Shepherds. Tough as they were, they were still outnumbered by the Plegians. The Shepherds needed more recruits to help defend the country and keep the peace. Yet, despite the coming storm on the horizon, no one in Ylisse thought that it was important to maybe start looking for recruits to increase the Shepherds' manpower and vet said recruits to ensure no spies got into their ranks. That is, until now.<p>

Robin wasn't entirely sure what happened or how he got where he was. There was Chrom. Robin was grateful to his newfound friend, he really was. But he thought that Chrom was too trusting for his own good. Robin was just a man who happened to have some tactical skill lying face down in the middle of some field. Clearly, the only right answer was to make him the head tactician of your country's only fighting force. Robin was also apparently the only one qualified and capable of scouting for, and vetting potential new Shepherds. It's just a good thing that Robin was who he said he was, and not a spy, or an assassin, or some sort of ancient malevolent entity hell-bent on destroying the world…or something.

All of these thoughts raced through Robin's head…then promptly left once he was led into his office. His. Office. He had his own office! It came with books, a desk and everything! Robin couldn't remember being this excited in his entire life (that wasn't really saying much, but hey. New office). So, after settling in (read: sitting at the desk), Robin decided that he would get to work interviewing the Shepherds. And the first one up was…

"So, Frederick, was it?"

The knight glared. "Robin, I know you know very well who I am."

"Yes, I know who you are. And I know that you know that I know who you are. The name check is just a formality."

Frederick sighed. "Why did you call me down here?"

"A good question! As you know, Chrom made me the official tactician of the Shepherds. He has also charged me with interviewing and recruiting new members. While I'm at it, I'd figured that I would also interview existing Shepherds and see if there are any spies amongst our ranks. It's also a great way to get to know everyone, don't you think?"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The mere thought of there being spies among the Shepherds is –"

"See, you know that, but I don't know that. For all I know, they could be very dedicated spies and actors. Maybe even _you_ could be a spy!"

Frederick didn't dignify the accusation with a response.

"Aw, don't be like that, Fredericson! Think of this as a...a job interview and a team building exercise all in one. It'll give me the chance to assess the abilities of the Shepherds as well as getting to know them better. And you're the first one that I called! Doesn't that make you feel special? Now let's get started. Convince me that you're not a spy and that I shouldn't fire you."

"Firstly, please do not call me by that ridiculous name. Secondly, milord Chrom may have made you our tactician, but that doesn't give you the authority of firing anyone. And third-"

"Oh, but I think it does," said Robin as he reached into his coat and pulled out a piece of paper. "BEHOLD!"

Frederick blinked. "…A shopping list?"

"That's right! A-wait, what?" Robin looked at the piece of paper in his hand. "Oh. Huh. How did that get here? Hold on..." He then proceeded to rummage through his coat pockets, taking out various pieces of paper, tomes, daggers and other assorted trinkets.

All the while, Frederick sat in a chair in front of the desk, watching the pile of things growing larger and wondering how the tactician managed to fit everything in his coat.

After a few minutes of fumbling, Robin finally found what he was looking for. "Ah ha! Found you! Read it and weep Frederick!"

The knight read the document shoved in front of his face.

"This is…a decree by lord Chrom. It officially appoints you as our tactician."

"Yes. It is and it does. It's all official too, with the royal seal and everything. See it? See it? It's right there. Anyways, as your official tactician, this decree gives me the authority to 'take any and all actions to ensure the integrity and combat readiness of the Shepherds', and a bunch of other things."

Frederick paled. "I…suppose it does."

"So! I guess that gives me the authority to do preeeetty much whatever I want, including firing you. But only for the greater good of the Shepherds. Now come on Freds, convince me not to fire you. What makes you an essential part of the Shepherds? Tell me all about yourself and your skills." Robin put on a bright, innocent smile and stared expectantly at Frederick.

The knight sighed. He never doubted his lord's decisions, but appointing Robin as the official tactician and giving him free reign over the Shepherds was highly questionable…as was Robin's state of mind. However, as a knight, it wasn't his duty to question Chrom's judgment.

"Very well. As you know, I am an experienced knight of Ylisse and have been with the Shepherds for years."

"Uh-huh."

"I have served in the Ylissean army and seen much action in the previous war against Plegia."

"Uh-huh."

"I have also taken it upon myself to pass on my experiences to the next generation of knights and Shepherds. I constantly train them to be in top physical and mental condition to maximize their combat readiness."

"Uh-huh."

"You don't seem very interested."

"Hm? Oh, no. I'm listening and stuff. It's just…what makes you so special?"

Frederick blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"See, I figure that if I'm going to be conducting interviews for all current and potential Shepherds, I'm going to be hearing a lot of impressive portfolios. I mean, we need the best of the best, right? So everyone who we'll encounter is going to have some kind of awesome long list of accomplishments. In order to distinguish between all of these people, I need some kind of distinguishing factor. Something that makes a person stand out, be it a specific skill, a random quirk or _something_ to set them apart from the crowd. So Frederick, what's yours?"

"…You want me to tell you about my quirks?" the knight asked incredulously.

"Or specific skills! Something specific to you or something that only you can do." The tactician replied brightly.

Before Frederick could say anything, Robin's stomach growled.

"Oh hey, sorry about that. Feels like I haven't eaten if forever! Let me just find something to eat here…" Robin reached into his pocket and fished out a fistful of jerky. "Ok, back to the topic at hand, what are your unique traits? What do you do in your spare time? Wait, don't you collect pebbles or something?"

"No. I don't know where you got that ridiculous idea. I simply march ahead and clear a path. In my spare time, I inspect our weapons, train, patrol clean the premises and start fires."

Robin quirked an eyebrow. "You start fires? Gotta say, didn't think you had an arsonist under that stern, gruff exterior."

"You misunderstand Robin, I meant campfires. I start campfires. I find it most relaxing."

Robin sighed. "Oh. That's way less fun. But, I suppose it's something. You know what else is something? This bear jerky. It's really, really good and chewy! You gotta try it." Robin offered Frederick a few pieces of jerky.

"I…think I'll decline" said the knight as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"What? Come on. Don't worry about supplies, I got more where these came from. Now try some! The power of jerky compels you…" replied Robin as he waved the jerky in front of Frederick's face.

"No, thank you."

"Come on."

"No."

"Come oooon."

"No."

"Aw, why not? You allergic to jerky or something?"

"…"

Robin's eyes widened in realization. "Really? Allergic to jerky?"

"Well, not exactly allergic. It's just I've rarely been able to choke down wild game, and bear least of all. For some reason, it upsets my stomach."

"I see…"

"Yes, if there is nothing el-"

"I now believe more than ever that you have to eat this jerky."

For the second time in as many minutes, Frederick wondered whether Robin was truly sane.

"I…don't understand."

"It's simple, really." said Robin matter-of-factly. "The way I see it, there's something big on the horizon. Storm clouds gathering, etc, etc. I predict a war. And you know what happens during times of war? Shortages. Shortages of everything imaginable, including meat. So what happens when we're in the middle of a campaign, short on every kind of meat imaginable and the only thing on the menu is bear. Are you gonna be all 'oh, but I can't eat bear because of my condition wah wah wah'? You know what happens to a soldier when he fights and doesn't eat? He dies, that's what! Are you going to be that soldier Frederick? The one that dies not by enemy action, but because he didn't' man up and change his diet?"

"Robin, while your reasoning is sound, I don't think tha-"

"FREDERICK! Are you a knight of Ylisse?"

"Yes." The knight answered immediately.

"Are you willing to do anything and everything to fulfill your duty as a knight of Ylisse?"

"Yes."

"Are you willing to lay down your life in the name of Ylisse and the Exalt?!"

"Yes!"

"ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVE YOUR LOYALTY TO YOUR EXALT AND YOUR COUNTRY BY EATING THIS JERKY?"

Frederick stood up, grabbed the jerky strips from Robin's hand and stared at them with a fiery expression in his eyes.

"For the Exalt! FOR YLISSE!" He then proceeded to stuff the jerky into his mouth and chew it with frightening abandon.

"…"

"…"

Robin cleared his throat. "So, how do you feel?"

"I…I…" The knight looked uncertain before suddenly covering his mouth with his hand and running out of Robin's office. After a few moments, loud vomiting noises could be heard all along the hallway, punctuated by groans.

"Huh. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said that bear meat upsets his stomach. Well, at least he isn't a spy! Eating bear meat knowing it provokes such a violent reaction. That's what I call dedication!"

Robin sat down and made some notes on his roster. "Hmm, guess I should tell him he's not fired."

More groans and vomiting noises.

"…Eventually."

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><p><em>(Do people even read these?) Well, there you have it. I plan to do these for all the Shepherds.<em> _Length will probably vary widely. __ Side note: I've read a few stories here and there, noticed a few things and came to a conclusion. While I like cool, down to earth Robin and love jerkbag Robin, I think my favorite Robin is when he's weird and somewhat crazy. Very much fun. _

_So, yes. Thanks for reading. Reviews would be appreciated.  
><em>


	2. Lissa

_Hey, look at that! Second chapter by the second day. Man, when I put my mind on something, things get done! I think I let this thing get away from me, but once an idea hits, why not just go with it? Result: long chapter. Enjoy!_

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><p><em>In the beginning, there was nothing but darkness. Then, Naga got bored and decided to do something about it. So, she said "let there be light!"; and there was light.<em>

_And the light was good because it contrasted with the darkness. And then she waved her hand, and water appeared out of the ether._

_Then, when she snapped her fingers, the blueness of the water separated to fly upwards and become the sky._

_And Naga said, "Let the waters under the sky be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was so._

_Then Naga said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so._

_The Goddess worked tirelessly to paint her portrait. She crafted the sun, the moon, and the stars. She crafted cycles for them, called them seasons so that there would be equal parts warmth and cold. She created life, from the smallest insects to the birds flying in the sky to the largest animals walking the land. Mighty forests sprang up from the grass and covered vast areas of land, housing many living things in them. And Naga saw that it was good._

_While the great Goddess worked, a single man was present to see the creation of life on the planet. Robin was his name, and he watched in wonder as everything was created out of the nothingness of the abyss. He saw how the land materialized under his feet, how the seas and the skies separated to become two separate entities. He saw how the grass, the flowers and the trees sprang out of the desert landscape and bloomed in a few seconds. He saw how Naga created all life on the planet and how all the different creatures appeared and spread across the land. And he saw that it was good._

_After the Goddess was done, she blessed all of her creations and went away to rest after a hard day's worth of work. So, Robin was left alone to wander around and admire the wildlife. And admire the wildlife he did. He smelled the flowers, fed the birds and played with bunnies. Soon, he found himself on the outskirts of a forest. Robin was about to go in when he heard growling. Suddenly, a pack of wolves appeared and were slowly heading toward him! Robin was not worried, however, because he was sure he could take on a couple of wolves. So, he confidently reached for his sword and unsheathed…a tree branch. Robin stared dumbly at the "weapon" in his hands for a few seconds. What happened to his sword? Why was he carrying a tree branch? Why where these wolves eyeing him instead of the various other animals around? All these questions raced through Robin's mind before he dismissed them. Well, melee may be out of the question, but at least he still had his trusty spellbook! Robin reached into his coat pocket and pulled out…a rock._

_This was starting to become frustrating. First his sword gets replaced by a tree branch and now his spellbook became a rock! Robin calmed himself and focused. Ok, he's been through worse. A tree branch wasn't the most ideal weapon, but he could still keep the wolves at bay. It wasn't all bad. However, as soon as this thought entered Robin's mind, he heard some moaning and groaning. To his horror, purple smoke accumulated in front of the wolves and Risen began emerging out of it! They were as creepy as he remembered them, being all undead and everything._

_By this point, Robin was starting to get nervous. Sure, wolves he could handle, but actual armed Risen who feel no pain? He might as well be dead. The only way he could possibly come out of this alive was if he got incredibly lucky, stuck his tree branch into a Risen's face, hoped that the shock killed it, stole its weapon, picked a god, and prayed. Well, it was a plan. Maybe not the greatest plan in the world but it beat waiting around until he go maimed, killed and devoured (not necessarily in that order)._

_Robin took a deep breath and was about to execute his ridiculous plan when something else happened: the purple smoke kept on growing until it engulfed both the Risen and the wolves. When it cleared, the Risen were riding wolves that had grown twice their size._

_It was at that moment that Robin proverbially shat his pants. There was no way he could've possibly planned for this! First wolves, then Risen, now Risen riding wolves! He was about to try his luck and get the hell out of there when he suddenly found that he couldn't breathe. No matter how hard he struggled, no air came into his lungs. The world was turning black, the wolf riding Risen were approaching. One of them lunged and…_

"BWARGH! Wha-?! Risen! Wolves! Risen riding wolves! They'r- GAH!" Robin didn't know what happened, but he found himself face-first on the floor of his office. "Oww…"

"Hee hee hee hee hee! AAAAH ha ha ha ha! 'BWARGH'?! Oh gods, that was HILARIOUS! Heeeee hee hee hee hee!"

As Robin stood up and rubbed his face, he saw Lissa laughing hysterically. "Damn it Lissa, what the hell?!"

"I'm sorry, I tried to resist—I really did. But it was just too perfect! You were sleeping so peacefully and….and…" Lissa burst into another fit of laughter.

Robin grunted. "Well, I _should_ be angry with you, but you actually saved me from a very cruel and unusual dream death. So…thanks, I guess."

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be thanking me after that. Must've been some dream, though. Risen riding wolves?"

"It's not important. Why are you here?"

"Oh, right! I heard from Frederick that you're interviewing all the Shepherds find their strengths and weaknesses. That and something about spies? So here I am."

"Yes. That's right. I _was_ doing that, wasn't I? Great! Thanks for coming Lissa. This could've started better, but I'm willing to overlook that. Now then," Robin sat down and faced the princess. "I know that you're royalty and all, but I'm going to have to judge everyone by their skills and not their blood. No offense."

Lissa shrugged. "None taken. It's for the best."

"Great. Now, tell me what makes you an integral part of the Shepherds."

"Well, until Maribelle comes back from her estate, I'm your only healer."

Robin blinked. "And…"

"And, I'm the one keeping you alive when you get hurt on the battlefield. I think that's reason enough to keep me on." Lissa said confidently.

Robin didn't look convinced. "I dunno. If we get hurt on the battlefield, we can just drink a potion and continue fighting. No need to run to the tent, or wait for a healer or any of that nonsense."

Lissa blinked. "Did you just say that potions are more effective than healers?"

"I did."

"But that's just stupid!"

"Is it though? Is it?!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Hmph. Convince me otherwise."

"Fine. Healing staves are way more effective than simple potions."

"Concoctions exist. And elixirs heal anything and everything."

"Concoctions aren't as effective as healing staves. Elixirs aren't always available and are pretty expensive."

"Fair point," conceded Robin. "But concoctions are more abundant and more widely available."

"Healers can move around the battlefield tending to the wounded. Once patched up, the soldiers can quickly go and fight." Argued Lissa.

"Why need healers when everyone can have a potion in their pockets?"

"Oh yeah, sure, it's all easy when you have a potion in your pocket. But what happens when you're all stabbed and bloody and lying on the ground? You've used up your last potion but that wasn't enough! Now, without any healers or potions, you're gonna die! What then Robin? Huh? Tell me."

"Hmm…" Robin thought about it for a moment. "Ok, fine. In the name of efficiency, keeping both potions and healers sounds like the best idea."

"YES!" exclaimed Lissa.

"BUT, I'm still going to need a reason to keep you. I mean, yes you can heal and whatever, but you can't fight! That's a pretty big minus."

"Hey! I heal injuries, not inflict them. And in order for me to properly do my job, I'm going to need a bodyguard to guard my body. Besides, I have a really good reason why you shouldn't kick me out."

"Oh? Do tell."

"See, I may be a healer, but healing staves aren't the only ones that I can use."

"Really?"

"Yep!" Lissa said cheerfully. "There are staves that can increase your resistance to magic, ones to repair your weapons, and most importantly, rescue staves."

"What's so special about rescue staves?" asked Robin.

"Rescue staves are basically portable teleporters. In the hands of a staff user, they're able to teleport anyone right beside them, no matter how far that person may be. I'd say that's quite impressive, wouldn't you?"

Robin remained silent, processing this new information. Portable teleporters? That could drastically change the flow of battle. It was inconvenient that they worked only one way, but with proper staff user placing, the possibilities were limitless! Robin became very giddy thinking of all the uses of the rescue staff.

"Um, Robin? Helloooo?"

Lissa's voice brought him back to the present. "Hmm?"

"You alright? You've been rubbing your hands with a creepy smile on your face for a few minutes now."

"Oh Lissa, I'm more than fine. I'm excited. Very, very excited. This rescue staff news is a game changer! Congratulations, you get to stay with the Shepherds."

"Alright!" Lissa pumped her fist into the air.

"Do you have any rescue staves on you now? Actually, you know what? That's not important, here." Robin reached for the weapons rack and threw Lissa a rescue staff. "I just gotta test this thing. Okay, you stay here. I'm going to run to the other side of the castle and once I'm there, you do your thing and bring me back here. Got it? Great! Get ready."

"Wait, what? Robin, hold on a sec! How am I going to kno-" but it was too late. Robin already ran off, leaving a very confused Lissa behind.

As Robin ran, his mind was still thinking of all the ways he could utilize the rescue staff. He could send in shock troops into the enemy's flanks and immediately rescue staff them away when they would be in danger of being overwhelmed. Teleport reinforcements to areas that are under pressure. Get informants out of enemy territory if they got caught. So many possibilities! Robin was so distracted that he didn't notice the light surrounding him or the increasing feeling of weightlessness. When he finally did notice that something was a bit off, the ground disappeared under his feet. He then fell a few feet and, for the second time that day, fell face first onto the floor.

"Oww, dammit. Again?!" groaned Robin as he got up and rubbed his face. When he looked around, he found that he was back in his office. He also saw Lissa, who was breathing heavily.

"Hey Lissa, what gives? Why'd you bring me back so soon? I was only halfway down the hall."

Instead of answering him, Lissa took her staff and hit him on the head with it.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"That, was for running away before I was finished explaining how rescue staves worked!" said Lissa irritably.

"You mean there's more?" asked Robin as he was trying to figure out whether his nose became crooked.

"Of course there's more! Now listen up, because I'm only going to say this once: the range of the rescue staff depends on how strong the staff wielder's magic is. The stronger the magic, the further they can reach and rescue. Got it?"

"Of course there's a catch…" muttered Robin. "I'm guessing your magic isn't terribly strong, then?"

"Not particularity," admitted Lissa. "I have been training, but even teleporting you from halfway down the hallway kinda took a lot out of me."

"So you need to strengthen your magic, huh?" Robin thought for a moment. "You know what? I think I may be able to help you with that."

"Oh?"

He looked around shadily before reaching into his coat and taking out a pouch. "Here, this is a bag of, *ahem*, Spirit Dust. It'll help boost your magic strength. Don't ask me how I got it and remember to only use it in small doses, otherwise you'll be tripping balls for the entire day. Don't ask me how I know that, either."

Lissa looked at the bag dubiously. "You sure this will help boost my magic?"

"Guarantee it."

"And it's safe?"

"In small doses."

"I dunno. Is this even legal?"

"Why would I have it if it wasn't?"

Lissa didn't look convinced.

"Look, do you want the bag or not?" asked Robin impatiently.

Lissa thought about it for a moment, then smiled. "Okay! But only because you said it'll help me help Shepherds."

"You bet it will!" Assured Robin. "Now a few notes: you can sniff the power straight up, but I recommend putting small doses into your tea or something. Remember, take a pinch a day and _nothing more than that_. I cannot emphasize this enough. If you take more than the recommended dose, the aftereffects will be…intense. You'll know it works because you'll feel a tingly sensation in your body. If you follow all these steps, your magic strength will grow exponentially and you'll be able to teleport people from across the country."

"Gee, thanks Robin! I'll get to it right away!" said Lissa excitedly before rushing out of Robin's office.

"I believe in you Lissa! And if anyone asks, you didn't get it from me!" shouted Robin, as he closed the door behind her. He then sat down at his desk and thought. There was no way he could keep this up. He could only supply Lissa with a few pouches before he ran out. And the merchants around were charging exorbitant prices for spirit dust. Damn merchants. Apparently a bunch of people want to get better at being mages. Oh well. Although Lissa will have to get stronger the old fashioned way, hopefully the spirit dust will help increase her range so that she could at least rescue people from the end of the hallway, instead of just halfway. Robin made a few notes on his roster before deciding to lie down. The aftereffects of the rescue staff were starting to make him feel queasy.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! And thanks to guest reviewer for pointing out the tags. Feel free to highlight any areas in need of improvement. Til next time!<em>


	3. Sully

_And we're back with another update! A shorter one this time. What can I say? Some characters give ideas better than others. Enjoy. _

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><p>Robin was interior decorating. Well, he was thinking of interior decorating. Because, as awesome as his new office was, it was missing a certain <em>something.<em> That…and furniture, decorations, plants, and a great many other things, actually. Robin was still pretty stocked he had his own office, but once the initial excitement subsided, he noticed that it was pretty barebones. The only things he had was an (admittedly pretty nice) desk, two closets, a weapons rack, a few chairs and a carpet. What he did have plenty of was space. Space to fill up with stuff to make his office look totally rad. Maybe a fountain, some marble statues, expensive paintings and exotic plants. Yes, something along those lines.

Robin was busy imagining his dream office and all of its unnecessary decorations when a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Robin!"

The tactician turned around to see who his new guest was. "Oh, hello…Sully, was it?"

"The one and only. You busy?"

"Not really. What's up?"

The knight approached his desk. "Word on the street is that you're assessing all the Shepherds to see you can best use them in combat. That and some crap about spies, enemies behind the lines or whatever. That right?"

"The word on the street knows what's up. That's quite impressive, considering I interviewed only two people."

Sully laughed. "Yeah, well, after your interview with Frederick, news spread like wildfire. I don't think I've ever seen him so pissed off! I'd watch myself if I were you, Robin. Come next training day, he'll probably try to run you into the ground."

"What? No…He wouldn't do that! Me and the Fred are best bros! I was just testing his endurance, and he passed with flying colors. Granted, that was after a few minutes of vomiting his guts out, but a pass is a pass! Besides, he now has the ability to eat bear meat and _won't_ starve out in the field. Everybody wins!"

"Har! You sure are something special, Robin! I don't know if I should be worried or impressed that you're our tactician."

Robin smiled brightly. "What are you talking about? I would never knowingly put any of you in any real danger. I just like to push boundaries. But, everything I do, I do out of love and concern for my fellow Shepherds."

"Well, you done good so far Robin. We all have faith in you."

"Aw, thanks Sully! You're making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Right. Well, let's get back to the reason why I came to see you in the first place."

"Yes! Let's do that. You're here because…?"

"Combat assessment! Damnit Robin, we may all have faith in you, but you sure are flighty."

"It's all part of my charm. But enough of our witty banter. Let's do this." Robin said seriously.

"Yeah. And first things first. Here." Sully reached down and heaved a piled of documents onto Robin's desk.

The tactician paled. "That, uh, sure is a lot of papers, there Sully. Why…?"

"It's for your criminal background check."

"My what now?"

"You know, so you can make sure that none of us are criminals, say who we say we are, loyal to the haildom and all that other crap."

"Oh. Yes. That thing that you said that I totally do. Yes. Thank you. But, why are there so many documents here? I feel like there's enough paper on my desk to cover your entire life, and then some."

"Oh, there's definitely more than that. These documents here detail my life as well as that of my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and others. Birth certificates, citizenship papers, knight exam results, physical assessments and a bunch of other crap. There's enough information here for a couple of generations."

"A couple of gener…wait, WHAT?!" Robin looked at Sully incredulously. "Why would you give me everything that was ever written about your family?! If you wanted me to check your background, wouldn't you just give me stuff relating only to you? This pile is almost as tall as I am!"

Sully simply shrugged. "I didn't know how thorough you wanted to be or how far back to go, so I just brought everything."

Robin groaned. "And knowing me, I'm going to have to go through everything here just because it's all here and…and…"

"Er, Robin? You okay there? If it's too much for ya, I could take these back and-"

"No. No, it's quite alright. Besides, now that I know that there's this giant stack of papers that needs checking, my inner OCD demands that I comb through it all, otherwise I won't sleep."

"Wow. That's some dedication you got there."

"Dedication, obsession, whatever you want to call it, it's a gift and a curse. Now, let's just… push this out of our minds for a second and get down to business. Why don't you take a seat and tell me about your skills and value to the Shepherds."

"Now we're talkin!" Sully sat down. "Well, as you know, I'm a knight. Been training for as long as I can remember. Came from a long lines of knights, which you'll find out when you go through the papers I have ya. Could've sat around in a court and inherited the title of knight, but to hell with that! I wanted to **earn** it! So I trained, signed up with the Shepherds and trained some more."

"Hmmm. That's quite impressive. Come to think of it, when I look at the training grounds, you're usually the first person that I see. Do you do anything other than train?"

"Yeah. I usually inspect weapons, patrol, check the premises, gather supplies and that sort of thing."

"You don't get pleasure from starting fires of the camp, or other variety, by any chance, do you?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? I gain as much pleasure starting fires as the next guy. It's nothing to get excited about."

"Aw, and here I thought I had a female Frederick."

"What was that?"

"Oh? Nothing, nothing. Anyways, I can't help but notice that you seem to spend a lot of time honing your battle related skills at the expense of your non-battle related skills."

"Yeah, well you can't get to the top without some sacrifices. If being the best knight out there means that I can't cook or clean, then so be it! Can't say I regret how things turned out. Hell, with all the training I did, I'm probably stronger than most men."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "You know, I somehow don't doubt that. But that begs the question: does that extend to the Shepherds?"

Sully thought for a moment. "I suppose. I know I'm already stronger than most of them. Hell, with enough training, I could rise to be top dog."

"Interesting. Let's test that theory!"

"What?"

"I've decided. In order to truly cement your place among the Shepherds, you must defeat all the men in this army in single combat!"

"Earn my place among the Shepherds? Robin, I earned my place as soon as that they accepted me and a proved that I was strong enough to beat down bandits, thieves and all the other scum."

"Yeah, but now you get to prove it even more. Besides, think of this as a step in your path to glorious knighthood. I mean, this army has some of the bestest and toughest men in all of Ylisse. Surely, training and beating them will only improve your abilities? It'll make you harder, better, faster and stronger!"

Sully considered Robin's words. "You do have a point there. I do train with them pretty often. And they _are_ the strongest men in the country…"

"Beating them will only make you stronger." Robin offered helpfully.

"Alright! You got yourself a deal!"

"Excellent! I wish you luck in your endeavors. Just report back to me once that's over with and wow me with all that you've learned."

"Hell yeah! But wait, I just come and tell you when I've won? You don't need any proof?"

Robin shrugged. "That won't be necessary. If you lied, I could just ask around and check. But I know you won't lie. You knights have way too much honor and stuff for such dirty tricks."

"You sure got that right. Now, enough chatting. I'm going to start this assignment right now. It'll be the longest training session and the greatest challenge to overcome. Thanks for the idea, Robin. You're alright."

"Aren't I always? Anyways, away you go. I expect you to be the greatest knight in the realm when you come back!"

"You bet your ass!"

With that, Sully left Robin's office, her eyes alight with passion and determination.

"Ah, if it isn't the lovely and magnificent Sully, please allow me to-"

"Perfect timing! Come on Ruffles, we're gonna spar."

"Wait, spar? Now? But I-ow! Milday, I beg you, please do pull on my arm so! I'm very-"

"Can it, you sissy! Save your complaining for after match."

Robin chuckled as the Sully and Virion's voices faded down the hall. He felt bad for Virion and the hell that the archer would have in a few minutes. But then he looked over to the pile of documents Sully had given him and immediately felt bad for himself.

I don't _have _to go through all of them. I could just check the documents relating to Sully. It'll be easier and take less time! More efficient. Plus, I get to get more done with the free time. All these thoughts raced through Robin's mind as the desperately tried to come up with reasons to not go through all of the papers in the pile. But after a few minutes of hesitating, Robin sighed.

"Who am I kidding? I'm going through all of them no matter how much I don't want to."

So, with another sigh and a heavy heart, he stood on his chair, reached for the top of the pile and started reading.


	4. Virion

_Man, once again, this thing kinda got away from me. Oh well, long chapter ahoy! _

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><p>"That's quite the bruise you have there, Virion."<p>

The archer chuckled before wincing and putting a bag of ice over his face. "Indeed. It is one of the many scars I bear from my many battles on the field of love. Granted, most aren't serious enough to leave any lasting marks. The worst part of this is that I have a very unbecoming bruise of my noble visage! How am I supposed to woo the ladies of the world with a black eye?"

Robin gave him a blank stare. "…the hell are you talking about?"

"Ah, my young tactician. Still inexperienced in matters of the heart, I see. But you needn't worry. The art of conversing with the finer sex is complicated and requires patience, charm, charisma, good looks and a multitude of other things. It is an art form that takes years to truly hone and perfect. However, you are in luck! I happen to be one who has mastered said art. I am also perfectly willing to impart this, most wisest of wisdoms onto a willing student. A word of caution though: this knowledge that I am about to impart is not for everyone. Any lesser man will crumble under the pressures and expectations. Those with not enough diligence and understanding will forever be doomed to rejection and the occasional slap from the women of the world. Knowing this, are you ready to being your journey and ascend to the ranks of smooth ladies' man?"

Robin blinked uncomprehendingly. "I just commented on your bruise. How did we get from that, to…whatever you're talking about now?"

"Oh, my very unbecoming black eye that stains my otherwise noble face? As I said, another scar earned on the battlefield of love. The lovely and fair Sully was my opponent this time. I must admit, her combat skills are equaled only by the bluntness of her tongue and by her devotion to her training. But all of those qualities maker her all lovelier! Her floating, so much like the butterfly and her stinging, so much like the bee! Although I do wish she would control herself, just a little. The bruise on my face is just the most visible one. After our vigorous sparring session, I felt pain all over my body and in every movement. The injuries I incur when in pursuit of a lovely maiden are not often so physical, or so severe."

Robin sighed and rubbed his temples. "Dear Naga, Sully was totally right. Talking to you is an exhausting experience." He then reached out and drank from his mug.

"Why Robin, how you wound me with those words!" Virion dramatically put a hand over his heart and recoiled in mock hurt. "'And here I thought we were comrades, friends even! Just sitting here and exchanging our life experiences and-"

"I'm going to stop you before you go into another rant about something completely unrelated to the topic at hand. Now, do you know why I called you here? You know what? I'm going to answer for you. I'm currently rooting out any potential spies within the ranks of the Shepherds by interviewing them. That, and assessing their strengths and weaknesses. I'm a very good judge of character, you know. And guess what? You're the first non-Shepherd! I guess that makes you special. Unfortunately, it also makes you the most suspicious."

Virion scoffed. "What? Me, a spy? Why, that's absolutely preposterous! Ridiculous! Absurd!"

"See? That's _exactly_ something a spy would say. The extra adjectives don't help your case. If anything, they make you look even more suspicious since you so vehemently deny the accusation. And the only reason you would so vehemently deny the accusations is because it's TRUE!" Robin stared at Virion accusingly.

The archer scoffed again. "Please, my dear Robin. I, Virion, the archerst of archers, am too honest and good looking to be a spy. Look at my noble face and ignore the black eye. Is this the face that you would associate with a lowly spy? I think not."

Robin shrugged. "Hey, I dunno what a spy would look like. A few days' worth of memories doesn't really give me much to go on. Besides, it's not like spies go around being all openly shady with a giant sign saying "I'M A SPY" or something. Because that would make my job way too easy and a lot less fun. But that's beside the point. I expect spies to be able to blend in very well with their surroundings and the people around them. Kinda like chameleons. Well, the good spies anyways. And so far, you could be a very good spy, being all airy and talking like some sort of bard who gets paid by the word. What's up with that, anyways?"

"I do not even know where to begin. Can you be more specific?"

"You know, with the flowery language and whatever? It makes it hard to tell what the hell you're talking about. It also takes you twice as long to finish a sentence. Whereas a normal person says something to get to the point, you decorate your phrases with so many adjectives, superlatives and other unnecessary tidbits that by the time you finish, the other person just looks at you in confusion or annoyance, or they look at the nearest clock wondering when you'll finish. It also makes you sound really pompous and annoying. So I ask again, what's up with that?"

Virion sounded genuinely insulted this time. "Why my good Robin! This is just my natural way of speaking, honed after years of practice to woo the fairer sex. I'll have you know it gives a sense of security to others and works wonders in higher social functions!"

"Somehow, I sincerely doubt that. The only thing it serves is to distract whoever it is you're taking to because they're too busy trying to figure out…what…" Robin's eyes suddenly grew wide with realization. "So that's your game!"

"What? I would very dearly like to know what exactly you think my 'game' is."

"See? You did it again. You could've just ended your sentence after the 'what' but nooo! You had to go on and stretch it out." Robin took another sip out of his mug. "But fine, I'll humor you. Being a spy, your task is to find out vital information and divert attention from yourself. Talking in that superfluous way of yours achieves just that! The moment someone suspects you of anything, all you need to do is talk to them. As they try to figure out what you're saying underneath all of the needless additions in your speech, their attention quickly goes to the task at hand, and distracts them from trying to find out anything about you. Ha! I finally figured you out! You thought you could trick me but you'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over Robin. Or go to bed really late at night. Or, blast, how did that saying go? Whatever, the point is that I've figured you out!"

"By dear friend Robin, I may be many things, but an enemy agent I am not. Of this, you can be assured."

"Yeah, that your assurances don't really help. I mean, come on, even you have to admit that you're pretty shady. We're fighting some horrible undead things and you just _happen_ to appear at that time, trailing on of the Shepherds and just _happen_ to offer your assistance for absolutely nothing?"

"I know that I may be hard to believe, but it was just pure coincidence that events unfolded in that fashion. I like to think that the hand of fate may have guided me towards your group so that I could aid you in the struggles ahead. Besides, if we're talking about characters of questionable backgrounds and circumstances, you would arouse the most suspicion out of all of us."

Robin took another sip from his mug and laughed. "I know, right? You couldn't come up with a more suspicious character than me if you tried. I was just some guy lying in the field with no memory, no background and no excuses. Even I wouldn't trust me with that sort of lame excuse. Then BAM. I'm suddenly given the most important position within the Shepherds and put in charge of basically Ylisse's military and its most important people. Chrom's just lucky my story was true! If I truly was an enemy agent, everyone here would be dead like, three days ago."

"It does seem awfully convenient." Agreed Virion. "However, you seem to be a good man and a good tactician. Chrom's faith in you was not unfounded. Perhaps, given your circumstances, you could also give me the benefit of the doubt?"

Robin paused and thought. After a few minutes, he sighed. "You know, I really _should_ be more thorough in my background checking, given my position and all. BUT, you do make a good point. I'm not really one to judge others when I myself have a very flimsy background. So yes, fine. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and allow you to stay with the Shepherds. Be warned though: you'll probably have to pick up the slack if you want to convince us of your loyalty."

"Tis not a problem! I, Virion, shall work tirelessly around camp and to ensure the safety of my fellow Shepherds. By the end of all this, I shall have secured your trust a hundred times over! Tales shall be told for thousands of years hence, of noble Virion's valiant attempts at-"

"Yeah yeah. None of that now. I just said we'll tolerate you. Don't make me regret it."

Virion bowed. "My humblest apologies."

"Thank you." Robin took another sip from his mug. "This brings us to the next point on the agenda. You're an archer, correct?"

"Indeed. The archest of archers, in fact."

"Riiight. Well, while I admit that having someone to take out enemies from afar is quite handy, I question your usefulness when engaging in close combat. Or rather, your lack of usefulness."

"Why Robin, a gifted tactician such as yourself must know that archers are best used from afar. They are not made for close quarters combat."

"Yes, but a good tactician also knows that there are no certainties on the battlefield. You may be nicely tucked away from the action, but enemy reinforcements could spring up right next to you and you'd be dead."

"True. But in this case, it would help if you assigned me a partner. They would fit the role of 'spotter' and 'guard 'at the same time. Helping me spot enemies and protecting me from incoming foes is fitting two roles with one unit, effectiveness at its finest, is it not?"

"Yes, but that would require me to divert a unit I could otherwise use on the front lines. The only reason the Risen aren't chewing on your bones right now is because Sully had to baby you while you shot Risen from the fort. That's all nice and well, but Sully could've also been attacking them instead of playing defense."

"You make fair points Robin." Virion conceded. "However, as of right now, I am the only unit – besides yourself, of course – capable of hitting enemies from a distance. I'm also quite good at it, if I do say so myself. Surely this advantage is enough to counterbalance the disadvantage of using a frontline soldier to guard me?"

"Hmmm…"

"Very well, then allow me to add another point in my favor."

"Oh?"

"Yes. As all archers, I am able to hit the enemy from afar. However, like all archers, I am also very effective at dealing with flying units, be it enemy Pegasus knights or wyvern riders. Surely that is reason enough to keep me on?"

Robin looked intently at Virion before bursting into laughter.

The archer was shocked at Robin's reaction. "W-what's so funny?"

"Y-you j-just said…pfft hahaha!"

It took a few minutes before the laughter subsided.

"I'm sorry about that, but man, Virion, you sure can be funny sometimes!"

"I beg your pardon? I fail to see what you find so funny about my proposal."

"Wyvern riders."

"What about them?"

"Wyvern. Riders. WYVERN RIDERS! As in, humans riding fierce, dangerous dragons as simple mounts. That idea is so crazy it's hilarious! I probably wouldn't have believed the Pegasus part either were it not for the fact that horses with wings seems plausible. That, and the fact the Ylisse has its own Pegasus knight squadron. We even have some of them among the Shepherds! So, yeah. People riding flying horses? Believable. People riding dragons? CRAZY."

"But it's true! I even hear that Plegia has its own wyvern squadron to counter Ylisse's Pegasus knights."

"Yeah. Sure. Alright. Tell you what: you show and shoot down a couple of these 'wyvern riders' and I won't look at you so suspiciously anymore. Deal?"

"If that is all that it takes, I shall bag ten, no, _twenty_ wyvern riders for you and show my archery skills for all to see!" Virion exclaimed confidently.

"Whatever you say Virion" Robin chuckled before downing whatever remained in his mug. "Man, need more of this stuff…"

"Excuse my curiosity, but what have you been drinking during our interview. It seems to have made you very…excitable."

"What? Oh no, that's just how I am. 'Excitable Robin' they would call me. Well, if I wasn't already 'Tactician Robin', that is. As for the drink, it's this marvelous thing called 'coffee'. Imported from Valm or some other place I can't remember. Been drinking this stuff all night in order to get through the paperwork Sully dumped on me. Good stuff."

Virion looked at the tactician incredulously. "You have been up all night, drinking nothing but coffee to get through paperwork?"

"Yep! Pretty proud of it too. Got it all checked in one go! This coffee has been keeping me going for the night and a good part of today. The only downside is that I need to keep drinking, otherwise the headaches, nausea, drowsiness and hunger kick in."

"Have you not slept?"

"SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK! A good tactician keeps going no matter the circumstances and only stops when he collapses at his desk! Since that hasn't happened yet, I can keep at it." Robin stated confidently.

"I can't…that's absolutely…" Virion was at a loss for words. He then got up and walked to the door. "I shall get you something to drink post haste. Do not move from your desk."

"Is it coffee? Get me more coffee! I'm all out of coffee!"

When Virion returned, he handed Robin a steaming hot cup of something that wasn't coffee.

"Didn't I tell you to get me coffee? This isn't coffee."

"No, it is not. It's better!"

"Better? How?"

"It's guaranteed to make you feel better and get you through the day. Trust me. I am a connoisseur in all things tea and coffee related."

Robin looked at the cup suspiciously before shrugging. "Fine. I'll admit, it does smell good. Besides, if you do poison me, the guards will have your head."

"I would never dream of it! Now, drink up. We need our tactician at his best to ensure our survival."

"Thanks Virion." With that, Robin slowly drank the entire thing in one go. "Mm. That was quite good. What was it, anyway?"

"That was a special blend of Valmese herbal tea. Guaranteed to reenergize and revitalize the body."

"Well it certainly was good!" Robin said before yawning. "Hey, what gives? I don't feel reenergized or revitalized! All I feel is very…sleepy."

Virion gave a sheepish smile. "Yes, well, you see, the tea does make you feel better…after a short nap."

"N-nap? I don't…need a…nap. I'm perfectly f…fine…" Robin yawed again. His eyelids were feeling heavy.

"It's all for the best. You'll thank me when you'll wake up. As I said, we all need our tactician at his best. It's no good for anyone when he's about to keel over. Have a pleasant nap, Robin."

"I-I'll get…you…for…thi…zzzz"

With that, Robin was out like a light.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! Happy holidays!<br>_


	5. Sumia

_Woo, new year and new chapter! New, extra long chapter! _

_Now, before anyone says anything, I know you don't get Sumia until the later on in the game. But she was in the barracks cutscene, so that still counts! _

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><p><em>Robin was a starving man crawling in the blistering heat in some nondescript desert. No matter where he looked, all he could see was the wind blowing sand off the dunes. Sand. So much sand. Not only that, but the thirst that he logically ought to be feeling was noticeably absent. Instead, he felt an incredible hunger, being constantly reminded of it by the rumbling of his stomach. He felt as though he had been trapped in this desert for years and hadn't had a meal in decades (but kept himself surprisingly hydrated). How he was alive, he didn't know or care. All that mattered was finding some food. Any food. <em>

_Robin's stomach rumbled once again. He groaned. This was bad. Very, very bad. If things kept going the way they were, he could very realistically die here! Wherever "here" actually was. Not that he actually remembered or cared. In an act of desperation, Robin scooped up a handful of sand and stopped short of putting it in his mouth. For a moment, he hesitated. What was he thinking? Eating sand? That was the single dumbest idea he came up with, and he'd come up with some pretty dumbass ideas! Besides, how would sand actually help him? If anything, it'd make his hunger even worse! There had to be a better solution than this. His stomach apparently had other ideas and conveyed its displeasure by making a painful hunger pang. _

_Well then. Apparently he was going to eat sand. Maybe if he thought hard enough, he could make his brain believe that it tasted like something else and trick his stomach. Seeing no other alternative, Robin closed his eyes and tried to imagine that he wasn't eating a handful of sand. Surprisingly, it didn't taste like sand. In fact, it tasted like…pie._

_Robin tentatively opened his eyes and discovered that he was still in the desert. However, instead of the vast sand dunes that he saw before, Robin noticed that the sand had been replaced…with pies. Pies as far as the eye could see. In fact, the whole desert looked like a giant pie, with the dunes just bumps on its surface._

_If this were any other situation, Robin's mind would try to process everything that was happening (and in this case, break itself in the process). But this was not any other situation. Robin was hungry as hell and was not about to look the gift pie in the mouth. So he just ate. The desert/pie tasted surprisingly good! Each handful was a different flavor. He tasted cherry, apple, beef, pecan and many others. It was all very delicious except for the fact that he didn't feel any fuller after each handful. Then out of nowhere, Robin tasted something strange. He paused and chewed slowly, trying to figure out what it was. It tasted like…paper? Why was he suddenly eating paper flavored pie? Pies weren't supposed to taste like paper! As Robin was figuring out the mystery of the paper flavored pie, he felt a hard surface emerging underneath him and his consciousness fading…._

Robin slowly opened his eyes.

The first thing he noticed was that he was back in his office. The second thing he noticed was that there was something in his mouth. When he looked down, he saw his desk and the various documents that lay on it. But more importantly, he noticed that there we some documents that looked as though someone chewed and then spit them out. That, and the fact that half a document was in his mouth. Well, that explained the paper flavored pies.

Robin slowly lifted his head off his desk, spat out whatever documents were in his mouth and yawed. That was possibly the best nap that he could remember. Robin made a mental note to thank Virion next time he saw him. The archer may be extravagant and pompous, but his tea did help Robin feel refreshed and rested. It also tasted great.

As Robin thought about all of this, he realized that there was a reason why he was dreaming about pies and eating paper: he was starving! In his excitement in the discovery of coffee and its magical stamina increasing effects, Robin apparently neglected to eat anything. He vaguely remembered Virion telling him as much. That would explain why he felt that the intensity of his hunger was greater than that of a ravenous wolverine. Well no matter. All he needed to do was walk into the royal dining hall and find something to eat. Being in the royal palace, there had to be plenty of high quality food and meals around.

With his mouth salivating at all the possible food, Robin walked out of his office. However, he took only a few steps before a shattering realization stopped him: he had no idea where the royal dining hall was. In fact, he didn't have any idea where anything in the castle was!

This realization hit him harder than a thoron spell. How the hell was he supposed to find anything here? When he first arrived, no one gave him any sort of tour or showed him where anything was! The only thing that even remotely qualified as a "tour" was Lissa showing him the barracks to meet the other Shepherds. Even then, it was all "here's Emmeryn in the throne room now let's navigate this giant maze of a castle to the barracks to meet the others and now here's your office bye!". The only locations that Robin could even remotely _maybe_ find was the main entrance. And that was only if he started in the throne room! The only thing he knew for real was that his office was somewhere close to both the barracks and the throne room. Maybe. Probably? It had to be. He was their new tactician and making his office reachable to both the commander and the other soldiers would make the most sense. Then again, this was a damn castle! Bigger than your average castle even. Who knows how far away "reachable distance" actually was in here?

Robin fought the rising sense of panic within him. He had to think calmly and rationally about this. Panic would get him nowhere. Panic was the enemy… But if panic was the enemy, then what was hunger? Panic distorts your thoughts and makes you think irrationally and impulsively. But hunger actually _kills you_ if left to fester. Clearly hunger was the greater enemy than panic. Panic could result in either death or life (depending on how fast you run, how fast the enemy runs, stamina, and other factors) but hunger results in nothing but weakness and death! So hunger was the greatest threat while panic was the destabilizing agent.

Robin's stomach rumbled, snapping him out of his thoughts and reminding him why he stepped out of his office and started thinking of panic and enemies in the first place. He was hungry as hell and wanted food. But he didn't know where to find food in this big ass castle. Right. That was the problem. Now to find the solution.

Robin quickly came up with several options. He could always try his luck and wander around the castle, hoping to stumble upon a kitchen or a storage area or something. But the risk in that was that it would take an unspecified amount of time and was entirely dependent on luck. Robin liked to deal with facts and certainties that he could control. Luck was something that was random, fickle and unpredictable. Plus, he didn't think he could last long enough wandering the halls by himself. He needed food here and now.

Another option was to just ask someone for directions. It was so simple. The only problem was that there was no one around to ask. Robin looked to his left, then his right, then straight ahead. Yep, the halls were emptier than his stomach. What was that all about? He thought that the castle was supposed to be bustling with activity and people. This was looking bad. He briefly entertained the thought of going around and hoping to find someone, but then dismissed it because it ran into the same problems as his first option. Okay, two options down, but the third time's the charm. That's how the saying goes. People don't just make up sayings willy nilly, they obviously have some truth to them. Now to come up wit-

"Oh? Robin? Robin! I was just looking for y-EEK!"

Robin had no idea what happened next. First he heard a voice. As he was turning around, he felt an impact. The next thing he knew, Robin was on the ground with a young woman lying on top of him.

"Ow, and here I thought I could make it a whole day without tripping…" mumbled the woman gloomily. When she looked down to see who she was lying on, her eyes widened.

"Oh my goodness! I am so so so sorry Robin! Sir! I-I didn't mean to fall on you! Please forgive me!"

Once they were both standing, the woman bowed her head. "I am so sorry. I had no intention of falling on you. I-I would ask you to give me another chance to prove myself, but I will understand if you tell me to pack my bags and leave the castle immediately."

"Don't worry about it! It takes more than one fall to bring down a good tact-wait a minute. Leave the castle? Why would I tell you to leave the castle?"

The woman looked as though she was about to cry. "B-because you're firing me?"

Robin looked at her quizzically. "What? I'm not firing you."

"Y-you're not?"

"No! I'm pretty sure that I don't even know you. It's not in my nature to fire people that I don't know…I think."

The woman looked at him with wide eyes before a smile spread across her face. Without warning, she then hugged Robin with a surprising amount of force.

"Oh thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! I swear you won't regret this sir!"

"I…already…am. You're hugging me…in full…armor. Can't…breathe…"

Realizing what he said, the woman let him go immediately. Robin staggered a bit and needed a few seconds to catch his breath.

"Alright. Before we start, let me ask you a question: why do are you so formal and keep calling me sir?

"Because you're our chief tactician. Your post is higher than mine and demands I treat you with formality and respect."

"Okay. Forget that.

"I'm sorry?"

"Dispense with the formality nonsense. It's kinda weirding me out. Just call me Robin."

"If you insist…Robin."

"Thank you. Now that that's settled, I believe some proper introductions are in order. I am Robin, as you already know. To whom do I have the pleasure of talking to?"

The woman cleared her throat. "Not to sound impertinent, but we've already met before."

"We have?"

"Yes. I was at the barracks with the others when you were introduced to us."

"You were? Alrighty then. That makes this a bit awkward. Let me just roll past this and try to remember who you are…"

Robin's brows knitted in thought. "Let's see now… Lissa was there. The burping one was there. The prissy noble was there. I already know Sully and Virion. Hmm…"

"If you don't mind, I could always reintroduce myself."

"Shhhhh! Don't spoil it. I'm almost there…aaannd ah HA! You're the cute, clumsy one. And your name is…Sa…So…Su…mi…a. Sumia. SUMIA! Your name is Sumia!"

Robin looked at Sumia triumphantly. "See? I remember. It may take a while but I get there in the end!"

When she didn't respond, Robin came a bit closer. "Hey, are you alright? You're being awfully quite there. Woah, your face is all red! Are you coming down with something?"

Sumia looked up at him in alarm. "What? No! I-I'm perfectly healthy! It's just that your description of me is…I mean…"

"Oh sorry about that. When I have trouble remembering people's names I just remember them by their most visible characteristics. Nothing personal, but some people are good at tactics while others are good at names, you know?"

"What? Oh, yes. Of course."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes! Never better! Right as rain and all that! Ha ha ha…"

Robin looked at her questioningly before shrugging. "Okay then. Did you want to see me in particular or were you just passing by?"

"Oh? Oh yes, that's right! I heard you were doing a combat review of all Shepherds and firing those who didn't pass. So I thought I'd make my way here right away and make my case."

"Wow, word sure spreads fast. Okay, why don't you step into my office and-" Robin was interrupted by his stomach growling. Suddenly, he was reminded of why he stepped out of his office in the first place. The all-consuming hunger that he somehow managed to ignore in the last few minutes suddenly came back with a vengeance. There was no way he could effectively interview now. Not when he had food on his mind. But hey! He could just ask Sumia! She had to know where they kept the food.

Robin silently thanked the gods for sending him this lifeline and turned to Sumia to ask her about the kitchen-

"Shall we begin the interview? I'm sure there are things that I can do to make myself useful to the Shepherds."

-only to stop and close his mouth. Sumia was smiling at him. Now it could've been the lighting, or something in the air, or his hunger-induced lightheadedness, but Robin thought that refusing her request would be like refusing her. Then she would be sad and have the same expression she did when she thought he was going to fire her. That would, in turn, make Robin feel as though he kicked a puppy. A three legged puppy.

So he obviously had to interview her despite vicious protests from his stomach. Well, when in pursuit of the greater good (as well as effective unit cohesion), some sacrifices have to be made. Robin supposed he could see this as some sort of endurance training: how long he could function on an empty stomach before he either fainted, went on some sort of hunger rampage or started eating weird things (books and paper not included). Yes. That makes sense. Endurance training. Delaying finding food and purposely starving himself further is all part of it. Testing his limits and all that.

Having thus made up his mind, Robin smiled and invited Sumia into his office. Once they sat down, Robin got out his roster notes.

"Right. According to my notes, you are a Pegasus Knight. Is this accurate?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now what combat experience do you have?"

Sumia fidgeted nervously. "U-um, well…none."

Robin looked up from his notes. "No combat experience?"

"I'm afraid not.

"That's a bit odd. Why not?"

Sumia sighed. "Well, I know that I'm part of the Shepherds and that requires me to go out on sorties whenever trouble occurs, but whenever something does occur, I can't help but think that I'll just get in the way. So I just stay behind and train."

"Hm. Why would you think that?"

"Well you saw me. I somehow manage to trip over nothing, I can't do anything right and when I try to do something, I just end up creating a big mess!"

"Come now Sumia, that's not true at all! I'm positive that there are things that you can do that others can't. You just don't notice because you're so hung up on your negative traits."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so!" Robin said confidently. "I mean sure, you may not feel that it's the right time for you to fight on the front lines. That's alright. Everyone has those worries. But there will be a moment when you feel confident enough to step out and fight. And you know what? You'll realize that you're an integral part of the Shepherds."

"W-wow." Sumia looked at Robin with wide eyes. "You say that with so much certainty that it makes me want to believe you."

"Believe it! You're a Shepherd. That means that you have a special talent that separates you from the crowd. You just haven't discovered it yet. Besides, I'm sure your off battlefield skills can more than make up for your lack of combat experience. We'll just have to assess how. Tell me what you like to do when not training."

"Well, when I'm not on the training grounds, I like to read and see what the future has in store for me through flower fortunes."

"Alrighty then. Flower fortunes may be a bit superstitious, but as long as they put you at ease or achieve your dreams, who am I to judge what other people put their faith in? It's a motivational exercise! And as an avid reader myself, I can safely say that is a good way to broaden your horizons and learn new things. See? Your hobbies are already helping by making you a motivated, more experienced individual! What else?"

"Oh wow, I never thought of it that way. Well, I also like to help others around camp if I can. Doing things like laundry, cleaning up here and there, cooki-" a look of horror suddenly spread across Sumia's face.

"Er, Sumia? Are you alright? You've gone quiet on me."

"Oh gods! I'm sorry Robin! I have something urgent to do!" Without waiting for a reply, Sumia suddenly rushed out of Robin's office.

The tactician blinked in confusion, trying to comprehend what just happened. Robin looked at Sumia's chair, then his notes, then at the door. One minute everything was going smoothly and the next, Sumia ran out like her house was on fire. Was it something he said?

"Did…did I just end the interview? I don't remember ending the interview. But she left, so something must've happened. But what? Why did she suddenly run out of my office? What made her look so panicked? Why are there so many questions? More importantly, why am I talking to myself?"

Robin stomach gave a very audible growl. Oh right, food. That's how this whole thing started. It probably spoke volumes about how hungry he was if his desk started to look like one big, appetizing chocolate bar. Mmmm, chocolate. He could almost taste it. Heck, maybe if he took a page from his dream and bit off a piece, it would actually taste like chocolate.

As Robin was debating whether or not he should start eating his desk, Sumia ran back in.

"I-I'm so s-sorry Robin!" she panted. "I completely forgot that I had this in the oven."

"What? Oh, hey Sumi-" Robin began to say before he froze.

There. In her hands. His eyes widened and his hands began to tremble. It was possibly the most beautiful sight that he saw within the last 48 hours. It was round and perfectly proportioned. The crust looked succulently crispy and the smell! Gods the smell! It smelled like the sweetest, most delicious thing on the entire planet. Everything about it made Robin realize how hungry he was and how amazingly tasty it would be. He could only imagine the flavors locked inside its sweet, crispy interior.

"Th-that's…Y-you…" Robin tried and failed to form a coherent sentence.

"Sorry I ran off like that Robin. I was in the middle of cooking this pie when I heard you were assessing our usefulness in combat. I got so scared that I immediately ran off to find you, forgetting that this was sitting in the oven. I thought it would be best to get it before a fire started or something."

"That's…perfectly alright Sumia" Robin gulped. "It looks like you managed to save your pie."

"Yes!" Sumia exclaimed excitedly. "Thank the gods for small miracles. After a dozen failed attempts, I was beginning to lose hope. But I finally got it right! Look at it. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Y-yes. It certainly is." _It looks like the most beautiful thing on the planet with its perfect color and its perfect shape and its perfect stuffing and its perfect flavor and I bet it tastes as good as it looks and Gods damn it I'm so hungry that it's taking all of my willpower not to just jump and devour this thing right here and now._

"I take it you cook often?"

"Oh no! This is something I decided to pick up recently. Since I don't go fight on the front lines, I thought I'd do more back at camp and decided to try my hand at cooking."

"Based on this pie, I can tell that you have exceptional cooking skills." _Try not to look directly at it if you pretend that it's not there then it'll be easier to ignore it but what can't be ignored is the smell Gods it smells delicious! _

Sumia blushed. "Thank you Robin. Truth be told, I've lost count how many times I screwed up before getting it right."

"It's the end result that matters." Robin's throat was feeling dry. His stomach demanded sustenance! It was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate on anything other than the pie in front of him.

"Would you like a piece?"

Everything stopped. Nothing mattered anymore. Sumia asked the question that he desperately wanted to hear but thought impossible. Robin looked up at her and gulped.

"Are you sure?"

The Pegasus Knight giggled. "Of course Robin. You haven't been very subtle. Ever since I came in here, you have been staring at my pie so very intently. Oh, and you're drooling."

Robin was too hungry and excited to be embarrassed. But he still had enough self-control to keep his composure and not throw himself at Sumia's feet and thank her over and over again. He very calmly wiped his mouth and cleared his throat.

"Thank you Sumia. While I appreciate the gesture, I'm not sure now is the time for eating. We are still in the middle of your interview and my office doesn't make the best dining space and there is so much stuff here and do you really mean it?"

"Yes. This is the first pie that came out right and I would be grateful if you gave me your honest opinion on how it tastes."

"When you put it that way, how could I refuse? It would be an honor to be your first official pie taste tester!"

"Thank you Robin. I really appreciate it."

The tactician just nodded. This was it. The moment that he had been waiting for. All that time talking and not eating came down to this. He had managed to beat down the scourge that was his hunger long enough for the Gods to send him a reward for his efforts. And what a reward it was! He watched with bated breath as Sumia slowly cut the pie, then handed a piece to him. Oh sure, it might've been nothing more than a piece of pie, but to Robin it was the most precious thing in the world. He held it as though it could break at any minute. He took his time to soak in its texture, its smell and everything about it. Robin knew that savoring all of these details will make it taste even better.

When he could hold himself back no longer, he brought the pie to his mouth, bit off a piece and…

Five seconds passed. Then ten. Fifteen. The room was dead silent. Nothing moved. Sumia started fidgeting.

"So? What do you think?" she asked nervously.

"This…is…this is…" Robin took a deep breath. "Amazing! Superb! Divine! The epitome of culinary cuisine! This, and all every other positive adjective that you can think of! You know what? There aren't enough words in the world to describe how good this pie is! If the Gods came down to Earth and if they were pies, this would be the one pie to rule them all. All the other pies would look on in envy at your pie because it would be the most magnificent and the most excellent pie among pies. Taste buds would bow down because of the overwhelmingly tasty flavor of your pie. No. they won't bow down, they would be blown away! This is the pie that will pierce the heavens with its deliciousness! Your pie is the hurricane that knocks down all of the inferior pies and ushers in a golden age of pies! It's…it's…"

"Woah, easy there Robin!" Sumia quickly rushed to the tactician's side. "Thank you for all the compliments, but you have to calm down, otherwise you'll choke."

"Right. Right, sorry. I guess I did get a bit overexcited there. It's just…your pie is so good! I wanted to properly express just how good it was. And, let's just say this is a very overwhelming time for me."

Sumia chuckled. "Do you always get so worked up over pies?"

"Only the really good ones."

Once she made sure that Robin was alright, Sumia sat back down in her chair. Meanwhile, the tactician made sure to savor every last bit of the greatest pie he had ever had (that he could remember).

After finishing, Robin gave a satisfied sigh. "Well Sumia, I can safely say that this pie turned out pretty good."

"Yes, you made that very clear. Thank you Robin. Would you like another piece?"

Robin swore his heart skipped a few beats.

"A-are you serious?"

Sumia smiled. "Of course. You've made it quite clear how much you like it. It would be very rude of me to take that away from you."

"Sumia…I think I love you."

"Robin!" The Pegasus Knight blushed furiously. "Don't joke like that! What if the others heard that? What would they think?"

"Who's joking? I'm dead serious." Robin stuffed another piece of pie in his mouth. "Your pies are the essence of perfection itself. I love them, which means that I also love you. What's the problem?"

"Robin, please stop. This is embarrassing! What's more, I can't tell if you're being serious or not."

The tactician shrugged. "Suit yourself. The offer still stands though. If you ever find yourself in need of a dashing husband, I'm always available."

"Right. Now about my position with the Shepherds…"

"Oh that? Don't worry about it."

Sumia blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Don't worry about it." Robin repeated. "I'm not going to fire you. You've already proven yourself."

"I did?"

"Yep!" Robin cut himself another piece. "See, you've already proven to me that you want to help. You also said that you like to train in your spare time. When not training, you carry out some very essential tasks around camp. Finally, you have the innate ability to cook. That is one of the most important traits to have, right up there with being able to fight."

"Is cooking really so important?" asked Sumia curiously.

"Of course! It's all well and good that we have a bunch of capable fighters in our ranks. But if no one knows how to cook, we'll all die of starvation or malnutrition out on the field before we even engage the enemy. Proper meals are that important. Speaking of which, man your pie is good. Do you cook anything else?"

"Oh no. I thought I'd start with pies and then move on to other dishes once I got good enough."

"Well I'd say you're pretty good already! But if you decide you need more practice, I'll be happy to lend my taste testing services free of charge!"

"Thank you Robin. I think I'll take you up on that offer. Since you said how important having a good meal is for the others, I'll do my best and learn how to cook the best dishes around!"

"That's the spirit! And don't worry about your lack of combat experience. My gut tells me you'll have plenty of it soon enough. My gut's never wrong! And that's not your pie talking."

Sumia got up, fiery determination in her eyes. "Thanks for the pep talk Robin. I'm off to practice and learn new recipes. When I have something new prepared, you'll be the first to know."

Robin waved after her. "We all have faith in you Sumia. All you need is to have faith in yourself!"

"I won't let you down!"

With that, Sumia left the office with a new spring in her step. She even managed not to trip over anything.

After watching her go, Robin sighed contentedly, jotted down a few notes in his roster and ate the last piece of Sumia's pie. He probably should've discussed her skills more. He also probably should've let her do the talking and he probably should've assessed her better.

But screw it. She was a Pegasus Knight. That meant she was fast and could fly. That was already a big tactical bonus. She could also cook one hell of a pie. And that was always very important.

* * *

><p><em>Pie-er Emblem strikes again! As always, thanks for reading!<br>_


	6. Vaike

_Behold! I've struggled against foes including (but not limited to) life's troubles, general boredom and writer's block to bring you an UPDATE!_

_And yes, I know you don't get Vaike this early but he was also in the cutscene! _

_Comments and critque always welcome. Enjoy! _

* * *

><p>Robin was feeling quite satisfied. And why wouldn't he feel satisfied? He got through an ungodly amount of paperwork in record time, drank some pretty good and exotic tea, had a great nap and then stuffed his face with perhaps the tastiest pie in the history of forever. Life was good. All he had to do now was…was…what <em>did<em> he have to do now?

Robin leaned back in his chair, put his legs up on his desk and thought. Well, Chrom did mention going to Regna Ferox the next morning on some political mission. That was something. Then again, it really wasn't something that Robin thought required his time. In fact, Chrom and the others probably knew the path better than Robin did simply because they knew where to go. Robin supposed he could always draft new battle plans and strategies just in case they met trouble along the way. That actually sounded like a good idea, all things considered. Things were bad and they were probably going to get worse. Besides, Robin noticed that he wasn't the luckiest person around. Ever since Chrom found him face down in some field, Robin had faced bandits, saw the earth spit fire, saw some sort of portal in the sky, saw a masked swordsman jump out of said portal in the sky, was attacked by horrible undead abominations and had multiple near-death experiences. All that within a span of a week. So yeah. Drafting battle plans was probably the best course of action. Now he had to think of the bes-

"ENTER THE VAIKE!"

"GAH!"

A loud voice started Robin out of his thoughts. The voice also caused him to lose his balance and fall backwards in his chair. He then found himself lying on the ground with a sharp pain at the back of his head. Well this was annoying (and somewhat painful). Robin was starting to notice a pattern here. Somehow, through some diabolical mechanisms and by some inexplicable circumstances, he always ended up on the ground. That was how Chrom found him. That was how Lissa woke him up (kind of) and how he met Sumia again for the first time. Wonderful. If this kept up, he could soon take her reputation as the clumsiest Shepherd. Worst of all, that wasn't even his fault! (well, mostly. He could at least control his reactions and _try_ not to fall off the chairs that he sat in).

Robin slowly got up and rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry for startlin' ya Robin. You alright?"

"Fine." Robin grumbled. "I'm getting depressingly used this kind of thing."

As he got up, Robin looked over and saw a shirtless muscled man in front of him. Huh. That was new. Wait, no it wasn't. Robin definitely met this character before. And his name was…

"Vaike?"

"The one and only!"

"Riiight. Well what brings you here? Actually, forget that. Let me ask you this: what's with the barging in? Don't you ever knock? I could've been doing something very important that required peace, quiet and intense concentration. And then here you are with your loud voice and your not knocking on the door. What's up with that?"

Vaike stepped back at the unexpected barrage of questions. "Well…I…uh…your door was open?"

"So what? Someone may have forgotten to close it, or I could've been hot in my office. There could be countless reasons why my door was open. That still doesn't mean you can just come in here and be all shouting and stuff. I even have a sign outside my office telling people to knock!"

Vaike looked at Robin. Then at the door. Then back at Robin. "No you don't."

"…I don't?" Robin walked over and looked at his door. Then outside his office. It was true. There was no trace of any sign.

"Huh. I swear I put up a sign. It seemed like such a good idea. Then again, I wanted my door to be open to all so that I everyone felt welcome…" Robin kept muttering as he walked back to his desk. "Note to self: make some sort of sign asking people to knock before they enter."

After making his note, Robin looked up and smiled. "Well, it seems like I don't have a sign after all. I thank you for bringing this to my attention Vaike."

"Um…you're welcome?"

"Great! Now what brings you to my humble office?"

Vaike was momentarily confused at the sudden change in conversation. However, he quickly recovered.

"The Vaike heard that you were callin' up all the Shepherds into your office for somethin'. And I thought that whatever it is, it can't be complete without ol' Teach! So here I am."

"I can see that. Alrighty then, let's get started. Just tell me about yourself. What do you do? What's your role around here? Why do you refer to yourself in the third person and don't wear a shirt?"

"All good questions! Alright, let Teach take you to class on what Teach does around here. Firstly, the Vaike's the army's fighter. One of the strongest, in fact."

"That's quite a bold claim."

"And it's all true, my tactician friend! Thanks to countless hours of trainin' and an intense regimen, the Vaike can now hit harder than an ogre. I mean, look at these muscles!"

Vaike then proceeded to strike various poses and showed of his biceps.

Robin eyed Vaike curiously. "Hmm. I suppose your muscles are bigger than that of the average warrior. Certainly bigger than mine. It would make sense that you would hit your enemies harder than say, me. But claiming to be one of the strongest Shepherds when we have people like Chrom in our army? I dunno. Speaking of which, you're well acquainted with Chrom aren't you? Fought together? Trained together? Can you hold your own in a one on one fight with him?"

"Har! You bet! The Vaike and Chrom are rivals. Archrivals even! So every chance we get, it's all spar spar and spar some more! Teach can't even count how many times we trained together."

"That's nice. So of all these times you guys sparred, how many times did you win? Or did all those matches just end in draws?"

"Err, well, the Vaike totally wins…once in a while…every 5 matches or so?"

Robin frowned. "I would be more inclined to believe that if you didn't end that phrase with a question mark. But, I will give you the benefit of the doubt because Chrom is freakishly strong. I mean, do you see what happens when that guy trains?"

Vaike laughed. "See it? Heck, ol' Teach is usually in the middle of that whole thing! I usually don't pay that much attention, but when we're all done training, a whole lotta stuff ends up being broken. Trainin' dummies, practice equipment, Chrom even managed to knock a door clean off its hinges a few times!"

"Yes, I'm aware. I saw the amount of money that goes to repairing the training grounds and replacing equipment. Gods, do you know what percentage of the haildom's revenue goes towards repairs and replacements on the training grouds? I'll tell you: a very big one! Looking over the country's expenses made me want to cry since we're practically bleeding money. Money that could've otherwise gone towards new weapons, tomes, tonics, staves, office stuff…" Robin now had a faraway look in his eyes.

"Robin? You there?"

"Hmm? Oh Vaike! Hey! Uh, what were we talking about again?"

"Me trainin' with Chrom and my strengths...I think."

"Right! So we've established that you can hold your own against Chrom. Sort of. Now about the others? I'm pretty sure the others are no joke when it comes to physical combat. What about Frederick? He seems pretty big, and I'm almost sure that it's not just his armor."

"Robin, Chrom and the Vaike are sworn archrivals. We're destined to fight and better each other for all eternity! So most of the time, I've been fightin' with him. But when he's off doing his leader-type things, ol' Teach does mix it up a little. Gotta admit, don't think I've fought Frederick yet. That one never seems to be free. And when he is, it's during his 'Fanatical Fitness Hour', after which everyone's dead tired. But I have fought Sully before! More so recently too."

"Sully, huh? Well, she's definitely one of the stronger Shepherds I met recently. You say you fought her often?"

"Yep! The past few days Sully's been hittin' the training grounds like a woman possessed. She's been challengin' all sorts to spar with her. It's gotten real intense, like somethin's changed and she needs to prove herself by fightin' everyone in sight. Weird huh?"

Robin laughed nervously. "Yeah, totally weird. I don't know what happened but I definitely have nothing to do with it. She probably just felt she had to prove something to herself. Yeah, that's it! Speaking of Sully, I see you got a bunch of nasty looking bruises on your body. Her doing?"

"That's right!" Vaike proclaimed proudly. "I gotta say, fightin' with Sully's been almost as intense as fightin' with Chrom. Ol' Teach actually took some hard hits that needed healin'."

"Yeah, no kidding. That brings to mind another question: why don't you ever wear any armor? Or a shirt or something? Surely wearing armor has more benefits that simply running around shirtless?"

"Ehh. The Vaike's never been much of a fan or armor. That stuff's way to heavy and noisy and gets in the way. The Vaike prefers to travel light and hit hard! Besides, Teach didn't get this body by hiding behind some silly armor. The way I see it, the more punishment I take, the more punishment I can withstand and dish out! Look at this. Teach's all covered in these bruises and I'm still standing here smilin' and talking to you."

"So you're saying you can withstand more pain because you slowly get used to it, huh? That sounds dangerous and painful. I wouldn't personally subscribe to that theory but it seems interesting nonetheless."

"The Vaike senses your doubt. Then let's have a little demonstration. I'll stand right here and you hit me in the chest with all your strength! Watch ol' Teach take your hit without even a cringe or grimace."

"I don't think that's really nec-"

"Aw, don't be like that! C'mon Robin, let Teach take you to class impart his hard earned wisdom upon you."

The tactician chuckled. Well, when you put it that way. Who am I do disregard free wisdom?"

"That's the spirit!" Vaike exclaimed enthusiastically. He then stuck his chest out and put his hands on his hips. "Now hit me with your best shot! Fire away!"

"Firing away now." Robin took a deep breath, ran towards Vaike, swung, and…

True to his word, Vaike didn't flinch. His smile didn't falter even the slightest bit.

"Har! See that? Didn't feel a thing! I-Robin? What's wrong? You don't look so good."

Indeed, the tactician had a curious expression on his face. It seemed like a mix of shock and pain. Before Vaike could ask any more questions, Robin suddenly clenched his hand and let out a loud, pained shout.

"ARGH! Gods damn it! My hand!"

"Robin! What happened!?"

"Urgh. I feel like I just punched a stone wall and all the bones in my hand just shattered. Damn Vaike, what the hell are you made of?!"

"Well I'm glad you asked! The Vaike takes special care to-wait, No! Robin, you're hurt pretty bad. Stay here and lemme fetch a healer for ya right now."

"Th-thanks, but that won't be necessary."

"You sure?" Vaike asked uncertainly.

"Heh, a good tactician plans for even the most unprobable circumstances." Robin winced as he searched for something in his coat with his good hand. He eventually pulled out a bottle, removed the cork with his teeth and downed it all in one go. After a finishing, he gave a disgusted grunt.

"You know, I'll never understand why concoctions always taste so gross. I mean, it's such a common healing item you'd think they'd at least make it taste better or something. I'm sure that if it tasted like strawberries, I would be much more willing to drink them."

"The Vaike knows what you're talking about all too well. During all those epic fights with Chrom, Teach got many wounds that were too minor for healers. So more often than not, I was gulpin' down some dishwater tastin' concoctions. No matter how many times ya drink 'em, the taste never gets any better."

"Yeah, no kidding." Robin carefully moved his hand and fingers. "Alright, looks like healing's kicking in. Hand should be good as new in a couple of hours."

"That's good to hear. Sorry that got kinda out of hand there."

"What? Oh, don't worry about it! It was a valuable learning experience."

"It…was?"

"You bet! My sword hand's gonna be fine and I got some valuable info on your strengths and how to use you out in the battlefield. A fine days' work, I'd say!"

"We're quite optimistic, ain't we? Glad I could help."

"Great. You know what? I've thought of something and now I need to test it. You mind?"

"No problem. The Vaike is always ready to lend a hand! Waddya need?"

"I need to hit you again."

Vaike blinked. "Really? After what just happened? You sure that's a good idea Robin?"

"Come on, Vaike. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice! I'm also not going to hit you as hard. Besides, this'll help me test out a theory that I came up with."

"Well…alright. The Vaike will oblige since he trusts ya. And as long as it helps ya with them theories you come up with." He then stood in the middle of the room and prepared himself. "Whenever you're ready."

"Alright." This time, Robin didn't run and swing. Instead, he stood in front of Vaike, channelled some energy into this hand and made a fist. "Get ready. Here comes a THUNDER PUNCH!"

As soon as Robin's fist made contact with Vaike's chest, the latter gave a surprised yelp and fell on the ground, twitching occasionally.

"Wow. I can't believe that actually worked! You alright there, Vaike?"

As Robin helped him up, the fighter groaned. "God's beards Robin! Whaddya hit me with? It hurt pretty bad and makes me feel all…tingly."

"Heh, sorry about that. I just channelled some magic energy into my fist before I hit you. So you just experienced my patented Thunder Punch. It's a good thing I didn't hurt my tome hand, otherwise we never would have made this amazing discovery!"

"Wow, that's mighty impressive Robin. Ya plannin' to go melee now?"

"Not really. This is more for an 'oh crap I have no sword and my tome burned' type of situation. I still prefer cutting bandits with my trusty sword and blasting them with a tome."

"Fair 'nough. Wait a minute, you _just_ made that thing up? Ain't that a bit dangerous?"

"Don't worry, I didn't channel _all _my magic energy into the hit. Just a little bit. I would never try out something dangerous on you guys! Contrary to popular belief, I'm a tactician, not insane. Besides, this little experiment helped me learn something else about you."

"Really?"

"Yep! You can take physical hits like a champ, but not so much when it comes to magic."

"Huh. I suppose that's true. Teach's been trainin' for a while, but magic's always hurt a lot more than regular weapons."

"Don't worry, I'll figure it out. Aw, look at us bonding! All I need is one more test to run and we're done!"

Vaike laughed heartily. "I guess it is bondin', in a way. Whaddya need?"

"Oh, nothing major. I just need some way to test your strength." Robin opened his closet. "I swear I have something in here, like a bag, or a board or something for you hit…"

As the tactician rummaged through his closet, Vaike looked around the room. He got an idea once his eyes settled on something.

"Hey Robin, ya don't need to go looking for anthin' in the closet. Teach can show ya exactly how strong he is right here, right now!"

"Really? How do you propose to do that?"

"Like this. IT'S VAIKE TIME!"

Before Robin could react or even turn around, he heard a loud, crashing sound behind him. _I could just not turn around and walk away right now. _That was an option. Not one he would take, but it was there. Of course, Robin liked to face problems and solve them as soon as possible, no matter how bad they were. With this in mind, he slowly turned his head and prepared for the worst.

"Oh no." It was bad. Very, very bad. No, it was worse than bad. It was both bad and terrible. It was terribad! Because right there, in front of his eyes, stood Vaike. But that's not what made it bad. What made it bad was that…

"You broke my desk!"

Vaike grinned. "That's right! Look at that. Split that thing in two with only my bare hands! Does that prove Teach's strength of what?"

"You BROKE my DESK!"

"Yeah! See, 'cause it was the onl-"

"YOU BROKE MY DESK!"

Now, Vaike wouldn't call himself the smartest or the most intuitive member of the Shepherds, but even he could sense that something was wrong. When he looked over at Robin, he noticed that the tactician was glaring at him. But it was no ordinary glare. It was one of the coldest, most intense glares that Vaike had ever experienced. And he had his fair share of glares! Vaike swore that the temperature in the room dropped because of the coldness of the glare he was currently receiving.

"I should fire you for this." Robin muttered darkly.

"What!? Why? Because of the desk? Can't you just buy a new one?"

"A new one?! That desk was one of a kind! Made purely of imported wood from the furthest regions of Valm, specially crafted by specialist desk makers that have been crafting fine wooded desk for centuries and enchanted by the best mages to keep it brand new! It's also the exact size for all my needs. Wide enough to keep all my papers while at the same time keeping everything within arm's reach! It's a special, unique, one of a kind desk that can never be made ever again!"

Vaike gulped nervously. "R-really?"

Robin remained silent. "I don't know. Maybe? I'd like to think so. It does make it sound special, doesn't it? But that's not the point!"

"Wait, if that ain't the point, then why're you so angry? Ya can always buy a new one, right?"

"I suppose. And I guess you can be a useful asset on the battlefield. But the same time, you can't just go around breaking people's things. So here's what's gonna happen: I'm putting you on probation."

"Probation?"

"Yes. Probation. From now on, I'm going to watch your performance and decide whether I should fire you or not. If you do good, then you'll stay. But if you do something dumb, then you're out. Simple, isn't it?"

"…all this because I broke your desk?"

"It's part of my new office. I take my office things very seriously. Besides, don't think of this as your probation period, think of it as a self-improvement exercise. You either become better or you get fired. What better motivation do you need?"

"Uh…"

"Well this has been fun, but unfortunately I'm going to have to shoo you away because I have to prepare for tomorrow's march. It's been good to meet you Vaike. Drop by anytime and remember to do your best! Okay, bye!"

Robin pushed Vaike out of his office and closed the door behind him. He then turned around and sighed at the mess. His papers and books where lying everywhere, there were ink stains on the floor and wood all over his workspace. He spent hours getting everything nice and neat too.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Robin? You in there?"

"Come in, Chrom."

"Thanks, I just wanted to see if…you're…what happened here?"

Robin sighed. "Oh nothing. Just Vaike."

"Did 'ol Teach' try to show you his strength by breaking your desk in two?"

"Yeeep."

Chrom chuckled. "Cheer up Robin. I'll give you a requisition paper and you can order yourself a brand new, fancy desk. I'm sure it'll get here by the time we return from Regna Ferox too."

"Well, that does make feel a little bit better. Thanks Chrom."

"Well now that that's settled, want to get some food before we hit the road?"

"Sure. I'm always up for some food."

Robin felt better. Much better, in fact. Chrom had a point. Robin would pick a fine desk with some office ornaments and go off for this diplomatic thing in Regna Ferox. By the time they would get back, his office would have more stuff in it and look new and awesome and great. Robin just had to be patient. They wouldn't be gone for long anyway. This was just a simple diplomatic mission. What could possibly happen between now and then?


	7. Stahl

_You know that feeling when you want to write but life gets in the way? I don't care for it. _

* * *

><p>Robin was in a bad mood. And it wasn't because they were now camping and living outdoors without such luxuries as beds, mattresses or heating, or because he still remembered his broken desk back in his office (though that still put a damper on his mood whenever he thought about it). It wasn't even the ravenous groups of undead (or Risen, as they've come to be officially called) that started appearing all over the place that got him in a bad mood (because unlike with regular, living soldiers, Robin didn't feel bad when he killed Risen. Quite the opposite in fact. Robin felt like he was doing a public service every time he cut downburned/shocked and otherwise removed a squad of Risen. Because after the harrowing, life or death battle was over, returning them to Naga knows where they came from was his feel good deed of the day). No, all that was not why he was in a bad mood. The reason why Robin was in a bad mood was because of his tent. Or, more specifically, the lack of space in his tent.

When Robin arrived in Ylisstol and was shown his office, he quickly got used to all the space and luxury. But mostly the space. In his office, he had a nice comfy chair, multiple shelves filled with books and most importantly, a big desk that fit all his papers, documents and other miscellaneous knickknacks. Gods he missed his office desk. Now that the Shepherds have hit the road, he didn't have all that. What he did have was a small plank of wood, attached to other small planks of wood and supported by four smaller planks of wood that he had to pass off as a desk. And that would've been fine if it was still the early days. Days when the Shepherds consisted of himself, Chrom, Frederick and Lissa. Those days were much simpler. There was no need for complicated strategies or thought-out manoeuvres. The entire battle could be won by telling Lissa to stay back, paring up with Chrom and sending Frederick straight into the enemy. Come to think of it, he and Chrom were only needed to clean up the stragglers. Frederick was amazingly efficient at taking out whatever enemies were unlucky enough to get in his way (then again, Robin shouldn't be too surprised, considering it's _Frederick_ and his almost obsessive need to do things to match his insanely high standards, whether that be clearing pebbles or killing things).

Those were the days. Literally days, because later on, Robin had met Sully and Virion. And a few days after that, he found himself in the capital and was introduced to a bunch of new Shepherds. Now he had to take into account everyone's strengths, weaknesses, weapon conditions and a bunch of other things. All those statistics and draft battle strategies required paper. Lots and lots of paper. He also needed quills, ink and most importantly, a spacious desk to write all this stuff down. All that he had in his office. Now that he was out in the field, the only thing Robin lacked was a proper desk. But that was perhaps the most important thing because as it was, he couldn't work properly on his tiny excuse for a desk. This problem was usually remedied by working in the command tent. But sometimes, the command tent gets too much traffic and Robin has to go back to his tent. Once there, he would try to organize his papers and draft something…before quickly giving up in frustration and wandering outside.

This was exactly what he was doing now. After another fruitless attempt at working in his tent and once again entertaining the thought of stealing the work table from the command tent, Robin decided the best course of action was to get some fresh air. At least it was a nice day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the sounds of people sparring were in the air. What more could a person ask for? Well, aside from a proper work desk…and maybe some better tomes, and a better sword and maybe-

"Oh, Robin! Yoo-hoo! Robin!"

A voice snapped him out his wishful thinking. The tactician looked around to see Sumia running toward him with a basket in her hands.

"Sumia! What a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?"

The Pegasus Knight smiled. "Oh, well actually…"

But Robin's tactician's senses tuned out what Sumia said. As a tactician, he was responsible for the wellbeing and alivestaying of the army. His job was to solve problems on the battlefield (and some off it too, apparently) and plan for all possible situations. Where possible, he was also supposed to spot where problems could arise and make sure prevent them. This was one such moment. He saw Sumia. She was kind and sweet but the girl had an almost unnatural ability to trip on the most mundane things, if anything at all! (Although no matter how many times she fell or how bad she hurt herself, she never had any bruises or lasting damage. How did she manage that? Robin made a mental note to pursue this line of thinking at a later time). But at this moment, he also say a twig in her path. If she was anyone else, she would just walk over it at that would be that. But she wasn't anyone else. She was Sumia. And given her "talent", Robin could already see where this was headed. Naturally, his mind started frantically coming up with ways to prevent the upcoming disaster. Thus was the tactician's curse. While he was gifted with tactical skills that allowed him to foresee and plan for almost any outcome, the downside was that it also caused him to think of all these plans in situations that would otherwise require more action and less thought. Fortunately, in such occasions, his instincts took over and his body sprang into action. Unfortunately, while his head was calm and rational, his instincts leaned more towards impulsivity and tended to have a lack of self-preservation. This usually resulted in Robin in situations with varying degrees of hurt.

Like now. Before he knew what happened, Robin found himself lying on the ground (yet again) with his head hurting (also again), his hands stretched above him holding Sumia's basket and Sumia lying with her eyes shut on top of him. Robin sighed. Gods, barring the pretty lady lying on top of him, this situation was becoming depressingly familiar.

Meanwhile, Sumia tentatively opened her eyes when the expected impact with the hard ground didn't happen.

"Wha-? Robin?"

The tactician smiled. "Hey Sumia! We really do have to stop meeting like this. It'll give others the wrong idea."

The Pegasus Knight looked confused for a moment. Upon realizing the position they were in, a blush quickly appeared on her face and she hurriedly got on her feet. After apologizing and helping Robin up, Sumia sighed sadly.

"I'm so, so sorry! Robin, I swear I didn't-"

"It's fine! I'm fine. You don't have to apologize so much."

"But still…"

"Sumia, I assure you that everything's fine. Don't worry about it."

"I-if you say so."

"I do."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Well, my nose hurts a bit, but there's no blood so it's cool. Now let's just wait until the world stops being all spinny. Wait for it…There. Back to normal. See? Everything's we're all fine."

Sumia giggled. "Wow, Robin. Nothing gets you down, does it?"

"Oh no, there are definitely things that bum me out. I just choose not to dwell on them. It helps." Robin then noticed that he was still holding Sumia's basket. "Oh, I should probably hand this to you now, huh?"

"Actually, that's why I wanted to see you."

"It is?"

"Yes. I wanted to give it to you and get your honest opinion."

"My opinion?" Robin removed the cloth on the basket. His eyes widened when he saw what was inside it. "Sumia. Is that…is that what I think it is?"

"Yep! Fresh out of the oven and made specifically for you!"

Robin gulped. Inside the basket lay another one of Sumia's pies. It looked just as pretty and delicious as the last one. Until now, Robin didn't notice the mouth-watering aura coming from the basket. Now that he did, his mouth started salivating uncontrollably.

"S-Sumia. I…I don't know what to say. You honor and flatter me by giving me another one of your amazing and tasty and delicious pies! You said you baked this specifically for me?"

"That I did! After all, you very kindly agreed to be my official taste tester, did you not?"

"I did, didn't I? And can I just say that was possibly the greatest decision I made in my life. Your pie smells soooooooooooo good!"

Sumia smiled. "I'm glad. And…well…um…"

Robin tore his gaze from the pie. "What's wrong?"

The Pegasus Knight shifted uncomfortably. "I also wanted so apologize for not taking part in that last skirmish against the Risen. I-I thought that if I saw how the more experienced Shepherds fought, I could learn a few things myself. And I didn't want to get in the way of our first combat mission. I'm sorry."

"Aw, come now, Sumia. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you felt the time wasn't right for you, then it wasn't right. It's always better to sit back and watch rather than rush out recklessly. Heck, that skirmish was actually pretty tough! You saw how many of us needed patching up afterwards? I don't think I could've forgiven myself if you, knowing that you weren't ready, fought with us and got hurt, or worse."

"Really? You're not angry? Or disappointed?"

"No and no. In fact, I'm quite proud."

"Proud?"

"Yep! It takes courage to admit that you aren't ready and to sit back. You know your limits and want to improve before fighting for real. I respect that."

"Oh wow. I never thought of it that way…" Sumia was quiet for a moment before looking up with renewed energy. "Thank you, Robin. You always have a way of making me feel better."

"Another one of my gifts, apparently. Heh. Maybe after all this is said and done, I could start giving motivational speeches around Ylisse."

"Hee hee. If you do, I'll attend every one!

"It would be nice to have a friendly face in the audience." Robin chuckled. "I'd love to sit and chat with you all day Sumia, but I feel that your pie is getting cold out here. I must withdraw to my tent and enjoy its flavour in private. Only then can I truly articulate my thoughts and give you my report. But judging from the smell alone, I can already tell it's going to be great! Is it raspberry? No, apple! Cherry?"

Sumia laughed. "Cherry. You're always so dramatic when it comes to pie, Robin. I'll be waiting for your final judgement. It should be better since it only took me seven tries this time! Now, I think I'll train a little bit and try my hand at other flavors."

"It's not dramatic, it's being honest! I cannot stress that enough. And only for your pies Sumia."

Robin waved goodbye to the Pegasus Knight and quickly made his way back to his tent. He didn't stop for nothing. Not when people tried to talk to him. Not when a pile of crates blocked his path. Not even when he almost ran into Frederick. Nothing was going to stop Robin from getting to his tent and enjoying the deliciousness of Sumia's pie!

Once safely inside his then, Robin made preparations. He pushed all of the papers off his (pitifully tiny) desk, carefully took the pie out of the basket, placed it on the desk, took the good cutlery out of his coat, wrapped a napkin around his neck, cut a slice and prepared his taste buds for another glorious trip into-

"Um, Robin? Are you there?"

-Only to freeze, holding the slice of pie a few inches from his mouth. Typical. This was just so godsdamned typical! Something always came up just when he was about to do something he enjoyed. It was always "Robin! Our scouts have seen new enemy activity on the horizon and here's the written report…in triplicate" just when he was about to have dinner/lunch/breakfast, or "Robin! Emergency strategy meeting, pronto!" when he was getting ready for bed or, worst of all, "I'm sorry sir, the price of this Arcthunder tome has just increased a hundred percent" when he was seconds away from buying said Arcthunder tome! Robin wondered why it was always bad news and always when he was about to relax. Why could it never be good news? Why wasn't it ever "Robin, you'll never believe it! That massive horde of enemies in front of us all died of dysentery!" or "Thank you so much for saving our sorry hides! Why don't you help yourself to this stash of ancient and powerful magic tomes that we just happen to have in our possession"?

But alas, the world was cruel and liked to see Robin suffer (or work himself silly). That brought his thoughts back to his current predicament. He was seconds away from enjoying (yet another) delicious pie sent from the heavens. But there was also someone at his tent, probably in need of assistance of some sort. What was he to do? What was more important? The most delicious smelling, mind blowing and mouth-watering pie sitting right in front of him or someone in need of help? Well, that was a dumb question with a very clear answer. But Robin was a tactician first and an enjoyer of pies…not first, but it was high up there! So with a heavy sigh, he put the pie back in its basket and tried to focus on whoever it was who came to see him and not on the thing he would much rather be eating.

"Yes, come in."

A knight in green armor walked in.

"You're Stahl, correct?"

"That's right."

"Come in and take a seat."

Stahl looked around Robin's tent. "There, uh, don't seem to be any more chairs."

Robin looked around his tent. "Huh. You appear to be correct. I could've sworn I brought another chair in here. Eh, no matter. We're right next to the supply tent anyways. I'm sure there's some spare chairs there."

"Alright. Be right back."

Stahl left and returned to Robin's tent a few seconds later. "Where should I put it?"

"Put what?"

"The chair?...That you made me get?"

"Hmm? Oh right! I totally remembered what I did with the other chair I brought it! Turns out this tent has only so much space and between my sleeping area, my desk, that corner where I keep my weapons and all the paperwork I have, there's only enough room for one chair. That's the one I'm sitting in, if you're wondering. So, I guess I'm saying that you've been demoted to stool. I'm sure the supply tent has plenty of those too!"

Stahl blinked. "Uh, alright. I'll get a stool then."

The slightly confused knight left and returned a few seconds later holding a stool.

Robin smiled. "Wonderful! Now just put in over here where there's no papers lying around and we can get started."

"Okay." Stahl did as he was instructed. "Incidentally, why do you have so many papers in here?"

Robin opened his mouth to answer before stopping. He then thought for a moment. "You know what? I'm not entirely sure. Before it was just reports and battle tactics. I drafted a few plans and kept them around just in case, you know? Then things kinda spiralled and before I knew it, all the useless papers got mixed up with the important papers and now I can't really tell where anything is anymore!"

Stahl was confused at how cheerily the tactician answered. "Not to sound disrespectful, but doesn't it bother you how…disorganized it is in here? It must be difficult to find what documents you need."

"Oh, it drives me nuts! Yesterday, I tried doing a bit of organizing. I ended up finding most of the papers relevant to the previous battle. I even stacked them up in a nice pile too! Put it in a corner and everything. The good news was that I had an organized pile of documents. The bad news was that it took a day of wadding though all the papers in here. Of course, by then a bunch of new reports, updates and other things came in and new strategies had to be drafted. When I was done, it was back to square one. Well, square negative one since there was more new paperwork than there was organized paperwork."

Robin grinned. Stahl stared.

"Don't give me that look! If you must know, I take care of the important stuff in the command tent. There, things are neatly organized in piles and structured according to type of file, date created and future use."

"Wow, that's quite impressive. But how you get from that to…"

"This unholy mess that's in my tent? A good question! The answer is thus: I have a system by which I do my paper related things. I can draft and organize anything into a neat, clean pile at the end of the day. All I require is a chair, writing utensils and a proper desk. As you can see, I have most of those things." Robin pointed to his desk. "THIS is the problem. With so little space, the system breaks down. I can't shuffle papers and keep multiple piles. I can't push documents that aren't important away and focus on the ones that require immediate attention. When I do, everything falls on the floor! When I try to things up, more things end up on my desk and on the floor and sometimes the ink spills and I have barely enough space to keep my quills and I don't even know where to keep the candle and I CANNOT WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS!"

Robin paused and took a few deep breaths after his outburst and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry about that. Just thinking about it makes me a little frustrated."

Stahl remained silent. After a few moments, he cleared his throat. "If this bothers you so much, wouldn't it be easier to just…buy a desk for yourself?"

"Stahl, do you know nothing about life? That's the obvious and easy way out. And since life hates the obvious and easy way out, it's impossible. I've checked our accounts. All of our money goes on new training equipment and weapon upkeep. Since we're not bandits, we can't just raid and pillage every village and merchant we come across. And unless our enemies start crapping gold when they die, we're stuck in our current financial situation. Besides, it isn't all bad. The command tent has a desk and that's enough, right?"

"I guess?"

"That's the spirit! But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you need?"

"Oh, right. I initially came to talk to you about the after action report and my performance."

Robin looked confused. "The what, now?"

"You know. Where you write down how each Shepherd did in the last battle, areas of strength, things that need improvement, suggestions and all that?"

"Hmm, you mean the OPERA?

It was Stahl's turn to look confused. "Opera? I personally prefer the orchestra but I'm not sure what that's got to do with my combat assessment."

"No, not 'opera', OPERA. You know? My Observation Performance Evaluation Results Assessment? OPERA. But 'After Action Report' does sound better. More official. So that's what we're calling it from now on! Thanks Stahl."

"Um, you're welcome?"

"Right, now where did I put that thing?" Robin started rummaging through all the papers on his desk and floor. "Requisition papers…inventory…Anna's Amazing Commodities Weekly….shopping list…weather report…Desk Magazine Monthly…Bear with me here, Stahl. I know I have that thing here somewhere…"

As the tactician was busy sifting through the sea of papers around him, Stahl picked up on something. It was a smell. But not any smell, it was something sweet, tasty and absolutely heavenly! It was food! And judging from how good it smelled, it was probably very, very, good. He just had to find out what it was.

"Robin, do you smell that?"

"Smell what? The only thing I can smell is paper an-hey! My Apocalypse Contingency Plans A to F! I'd wondered where this thing went off to. Awesome! Now if only I could find the M to T draft. Or the Z edition, I suppose, since Risen are zombies…I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Really? Don't you smell it? The scent of some delicious food. Judging from the smell, I'd say it's a…baked good. A pie, to be exact. Smells like cherry. Or maybe grape. Blueberry?"

Robin stopped looking though his papers. He looked at Stahl, who was sniffing the air to determine what he was smelling. Robin then looked at his basket, where Sumia's pie was still sitting. Then to Stahl. Then back at the pie. Huh. Here he was facing yet another dilemma. On the one hand, he really, _really_ liked Sumia's pies. On the other hand, here was Stahl, a fellow Shepherd and a friend, asking (or heading that way) for a piece of Sumia's (guaranteed delicious) pie. Was Robin a man who would refuse a friend's wish? Stahl was also probably hungry and-wait a minute.

Robin looked at the knight. "Stahl, you aren't hungry by any chance, are you?"

"Starving." As if to reinforce this point, Stahl's stomach gave a very audible growl.

"Didn't you _just_ have lunch? Maybe less than an hour ago?"

"Yeah, but that was so long ago. Besides, that wasn't nearly enough to fill me up. I skipped breakfast today because no one told me about our expedition. So, technically, I'm missing lunch since the food that I ate before was there to replace breakfast."

"That's…Ok. Sure. Why not? If you're that worried about it, don't. Breakfast wasn't all that. Just pancakes with maple syrup, bread, butter, jam, eggs of all shapes and sizes…Mmmm. Now that think about it, breakfast was pretty damn good! Sorry you missed it."

Stahl groaned. "Man, that sounds sooo good! Now I feel even worse, and hungrier!"

"Hey, don't feel bad! Dinner's in, like…some hours! And you can always remember the meal we had in the capital to keep you satisfied. Gods it was good."

"Yeah, it sure was. We had a whole selection of meat to choose from. And the gravy was out of this world."

"It _was_ good, wasn't it? Those royal chefs sure know what they're doing in there. The ham was especially tasty. I think I heard it was honey baked. And remember the dessert?"

"Oh gods. The fudge. So sweet. So good."

"Mmmm…fudge."

"Hey, you know what would great? Honey baked fudge."

"Or…fudge covered ham."

"Mmmmmm."

Both men became silent as the thoughts of various different foods ran through their minds. Robin noticed that the thoughts were actually making him hungry despite also having eaten lunch about an hour ago. He once again looked at Stahl. The knight had a faraway look in his eyes and a little drool coming out of his mouth. Robin then looked at his pie and made a decision. He really couldn't leave another appreciator of food hanging like that. Besides, the pie was getting colder the longer this thing lasted.

"Stahl?"

"Yes? What is it…giant…talking ham?"

Robin slowly slid back in his chair. "Hey now, I'm not a giant talking ham. I'm Robin. Your tactician and someone who wouldn't appreciate you trying to eat me."

Stahl shook his head and chuckled embarrassedly. "Heh, sorry Robin. Sometimes my thoughts get away from me."

"Don't worry about it. It happens to the best of us. Now, I have a solution to your little problem right here." Robin slowly took out the pie and put in on the table. "Tada! Feast your eyes and your stomach!"

And did he ever feast his eyes. The Stahl stared at the pie with wide eyes and an open mouth for a good minute or two. When the silence hit the three minute mark, Robin got impatient.

"Right. That's enough staring dumbly at the pie. Do you want some?"

Stahl's head shot up and he stared at the tactician. "A-are you sure? I can have some?"

"Of course." Robin cut a slice and handed it to Stahl. "Enjoy! I can guarantee you that it will be exquisite."

"Wow, thanks Robin!"

"I gotta warn you though, this pie is like a bomb."

"A bomb?"

"Yes, in that it will BLOW YOUR TASTEBUDS AWAY!"

"Oh, alright."

Both men then proceeded to bite into their pies. Robin let the taste engulf him. It was sweet, smooth and as delicious as he thought it would be. Then again, judging from the last one, Sumia sure had a knack for making amazing baked goods. That, or he just enjoyed pie more than the average person. Who knew? The important thing was that, judging by the look on his face, Stahl seemed to be enjoying the pie as much as Robin was.

When they both finished, Stahl sighed in contentment. "That was some good pie, Robin. Did you make it yourself?"

"Heh, I wish. Unfortunately I have not the culinary skills to make pies this good…I don't think. Having this 'amnesia' really doesn't do wonders for you, especially when it comes to the skills you think you should be able to do. Hmm, I should try my hand at cooking sometime! Imagine if I could re-create something this good. There would be pies forever!"

"Mm. If you want, I could always give you some tips."

Robin looked at Stahl incredulously. "You cook?"

"Yeah. Is it so surprising?"

"No…well, sort of. I just wasn't expecting it, I suppose. Thanks Stahl. When I have some free time and decide to try my hand at cooking, I'll let you know."

"Looking forward to it. Who knows? Maybe together, we'll unlock new recipes and make even greater tasting food."

"Heh, one can always dream. Now then, let me see if I can find the last battle report. I sense that I am close to finding it here…" Robin tossed a few papers and piles aside before suddenly clutching a piece of paper and waving it in the air.

"HA!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "I _knew_ I had it in here! You never believed me but it's totally here! Read it and weep!"

Stahl looked around the tent. "Um, Robin? Who are you talking to?"

"Hmm? Oh…uh, you? Sorry, I get overly excited sometimes." Robin cleared his throat. "Now, let us go through your performance in the last battle." The tactician then flipped through his report while Stahl waited for some comment.

After a few minutes Robin put his report down and looked at the knight. "Stahl, according to this report, your performance isn't bad. But it's not amazing, either. It's…what's the word I'm looking for? The one that's in between mediocre and excellent. You know what I mean?"

Stahl sighed. "I think the word you're looking for is 'average.'"

"Yes! There you go! If I were to describe your performance in the last battle, it would be 'average'. Huh. Average all around. What are the chances?"

"Quite high, considering that it's me we're talking about."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, that's kind of my reputation around here. Somehow, whatever I do, I end up being completely unremarkable and average in it. In the middle ground, so to speak."

Robin looked quizzically at the knight. "That has to be an exaggeration. You can't possibly be average in everything."

Stahl shrugged. "It's true. Whether it be training, fighting, playing or heck, even looks! No matter how you look at it, I'm just your average, run-of-the-mill guy. Nothing special to sing about."

"I find that very hard to believe. You have to be above average at something! You just have to. What about cooking? You said you knew some stuff."

"I did. But even there, I'm hovering around 'good', but not 'great'."

"How can that be?"

"Well sure, I'm an alright cook. But when you have the likes of Sully, Chrom and Lissa for comparison, that really isn't saying much."

"I guess that's true. Haven't tried it myself, but I hear that Sully's cooking is considered a lethal weapon."

Stahl shivered. "Oh yeah. It can definitely be called that. My stomach hurts thinking about it."

"Right. Back to the topic at hand. You're telling me that you are completely and utterly average in all of your endeavours?"

"That's right."

"Totally normal. Not terrible, not adept, just plain average?"

"Yep."

"Interesting…" Robin looked thoughtful for a moment. He spoke again before Stahl could say anything. "You know, this could be very useful to us."

"Oh? How so?"

"You say you are apparently totally average at anything you do. Anything. This is clearly a fascinating field of potential usefulness, especially in the military sphere."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"If you are apparently immediately average at anything you do, does that mean that I can just give you a weapon and you'll just inherently know how to use it at a medium level?"

"I'm not sure that's really how-"

"I mean, you're a knight, sure. But if I were to give you a bow right now, would you just automatically know how to use it?"

"Um-"

"And not just a bow, what about tomes? If I were to give you a tome, would you be able to jump to El-level spells, skipping the basic ones altogether?"

"Well, I don't think-"

"Stahl! Do you know what you are?"

The knight stayed silent.

"You, my friend, are gifted. Gifted with the most extraordinary skill of being average at everything. Now we must use your amazing gift by weaponizing it. And by 'it', I mean you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. We will now have to test out my theory by giving you every weapon imaginable to how just how you handle yourself. That's right, from the simple sword, to magic tomes to siege weapons. Any and all weapons under the sun. If it can be used as a weapon, you'll be training with it."

"Um, Robin? Don't you think that's a little excessive?"

"Excessive? EXCESSIVE?! I do not know the meaning of the word! We're at war, Stahl. And our enemies? Hordes of undead abominations that somehow have weapons that completely outclass ours! We need any edge that we can get. Your perfectly average gift may be exactly what we need. The only thing left for us to do is see if my hypothesis is true. So enough chitchat. Go to the training grounds and await further instructions. I'll send someone along with every weapon in our inventory shortly. We'll then record your performance with each weapon and see just how average you are."

"But-"

"Ah! That's chitchat. I said enough of that. Off to the training grounds with you. Go. Go!"

Stahl looked like he was about to object before nodding and dejectedly heading out of Robin's tent. Meanwhile, the tactician was excitedly drafting up plans and making calculations about Stahl's potential. Not since Lissa revealed to him the amazing uses of rescue staves has Robin felt this excited. He had to find his latest inventory checklist and see what he could give to Stahl. Gods, Robin sure loved the feeling when a new avenue of tactics opened up to him. Of course, all good things come to an end. Some good things end sooner, rather than later. Robin's good feelings fall in this category because not five minutes after Stahl left, the tactician let out a frustrated growl and stormed out of his tent. He really did have to do something about the mess in there. Maybe stealing the table in the command tent wasn't such a bad idea after all. But that was a battle to be fought another day. Now, Robin felt like not thinking about it. Maybe he could go find and talk to Sumia. After all, he did promise to give her his final judgement on the pie.


End file.
